The Great Trump Pardon Parade

” [Spoken Intro – light guitar picking] Now you may think presidents sign bills, shake hands, Kiss babies, give speeches, and pose with bands. But ol’ Don’s got a pen and a different flair— He’s runnin’ a pardon shop out of Mar-a-Lago’s lair! [Verse 1 – upbeat folk rhythm] He pardoned his buddy who dodged the tax, Then signed one off for a guy who sold cracks. Gave a thumbs-up to a Wall Street shark, And the whole thing's run like a theme park! [Chorus – singalong vibe] It’s the Trump Pardon Parade, come on down! If you’ve done crimes, he’s got a crown. You say you lied? You say you fled? Trump’ll sign it while eatin’ Big Macs in bed! [Verse 2 – playful and absurd] He pardoned his barber for crimes against hair, And the guy who yelled “Fake News!” at the county fair. He forgave a magician for makin’ votes disappear, And a CEO who choked a cashier! [Bridge – spoken in rhythm] Now I’m not sayin’ he’s reckless or wild— But he pardoned a hamster once (okay, maybe a child). He said, “I’m all about law and order, of course— Unless you compliment me… then I’ll pardon your horse.” [Final Chorus – build to the finale] So step right up to the Pardon Fest! Criminals welcome, no polygraph test. He’ll sign it fast, no need to plead— Just flatter the Don and you’ll be freed! [Outro – slow and satirical] Now if you stole lunch or hacked into space, There’s a man with a Sharpie and an orange face. Just show him your mugshot, and don’t be afraid— You might just join… the Pardon Parade.