[Verse 1] It’s a curious thing, the American dream How a boy from the hollows can join the A-team With a memoir so moving, it made liberals cry And a venture-cap beard and a glimmering eye. He spoke of the struggle, the rust, and the addiction With the poignant prose of a literary fiction Then he looked at the man he had once called "Hitler" And decided his soul could be slightly... lit-ler. [Chorus] Oh, J.D., you’re a marvel of fluid conviction A walking, talking, non-fiction contradiction! From the Ivy League halls to the MAGA-fied rallies You’re counting the votes in the swing-state tallies. You’re the prince of the pivot, the king of the "U-turn" With bridges behind you you’re happy to blue-burn! [Verse 2] Now, James... or David... or Hamish? (What’s the name?) The branding is shifting, but the thirst is the same. He’s worried 'bout ladies who live with their cats And the "childless" who ruin our bureaucratic stats. He says if you haven't produced a descendant Your stake in the future is far too dependent On... things like "logic" and "personal choice" Instead of the echo of his nasal voice! [Bridge] And let’s talk about furniture—wait, no, let’s not. The internet’s mean and the rumors are hot. Whether sectional passion is fact or a fable We know that you’re willing to lay on the table Any value you held, any friend that you knew To be the VP for the Red, White, and Blue. [Verse 3. rapid ragtime] He’s a Silicon Valley-funded Appalachian A Yale-educated voice of the "forgotten" nation Who thinks that the elites are a terrible blight While he dines with the billionaires every Friday night! He’s "Hillbilly" chic! He’s a venture-cap hero! His consistency rating is hovering at zero! [Chorus] Oh, J.D., you’re a marvel of fluid conviction A walking, talking, non-fiction contradiction! You’re the beard on the ticket, the heir to the throne With a moral compass that’s rarely been shown. You’re the prince of the pivot, the king of the "U-turn" Watch the old J.D. burn, baby, burn!
