[Intro] I heard bamboo crack behind the shed Turned around—there stood a bear in black and white [Verse 1] Round ears, calm stare, paws like wrecking balls He blocked the path between me and the garden wall I dropped my lunch, I dropped my keys He dropped his head and charged through the leaves [Pre-Chorus] One step left—he mirrored me One step right—he disagreed My shoes found mud, my lungs gave out His breakfast plan had singled me out [Chorus] PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! I slipped beneath the swinging paw PANDA ATTACK—NO MERCY! He shredded every fence board that I saw By a breath, by a blink, by the skin of my teeth I crawled through the dog door underneath PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! He sat outside and chewed the wreath [Verse 2] I held my breath behind a plastic bin He sniffed the lid, then tried to pull it in A bucket rolled, a rake went flying I watched my final moments while the sprinkler kept replying [Pre-Chorus] He found my trail, he found my sleeve I found a ladder—I found reprieve The top rung cracked, the gutter screamed I landed in a wheelbarrow headed downstream [Chorus] PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! I slipped beneath the swinging paw PANDA ATTACK—NO MERCY! He shredded every fence board that I saw By a breath, by a blink, by the skin of my teeth I crawled through the dog door underneath PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! He sat outside and chewed the wreath [Breakdown] DROP! Roll! Hold your breath! Do not make eye contact! Paws hit wood Boards explode I am screaming He wants my toast NO! NO! NO! NOT THE BAMBOO! [Bridge] At dawn he left with half my shed A paw-print crater by my bed I called the ranger, voice still shaking He said, “That’s not a panda attack—he was probably just mistaken.” [Final Chorus] PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! I vaulted through the kitchen wall PANDA ATTACK—STILL HAUNTING! He waved one paw beside the mall By a breath, by a blink, by the skin of my teeth I live because he stopped to sneeze PANDA ATTACK—JUST BARELY! Next time I’m moving overseas [Outro] Bamboo crack Black-and-white blur I barely escaped He barely cared
