[Intro – soft, weary, almost spoken] Seven years... Not seven years with the same face. Seven years of starting over. I wasn't asking for an excuse. I just needed a name. [Verse 1 – intimate, conversational] Seven years inside the system, Different towns and different chairs. Every time I started getting somewhere, We'd move and leave the progress there. Another room, another stranger, Another childhood to explain. I'd open up the wounds I'd buried, Just to stitch them shut again. Then I read about borderline, Saw my life there on the page. I didn't learn those feelings from it; I'd been living them for ages. [Pre-Chorus – restrained intensity] They thought I wanted something from it, A reason not to have to try. But I wanted work, I wanted healing, Not another way to get by. I listened to their explanations, But none could hold my history. It took the things I'd never told them For them to finally hear me. [Chorus – soaring, melodic, aching] They called it borderline, But I've been living on the edge. So terrified you'd leave me, I kept giving you reasons to instead. They called it post-traumatic, "Post" means after, left behind. So why's the past still present, Still haunting me inside my mind? I never asked for an excuse, Or someone else to blame. I only wanted to get better, And give the wound a name. [Verse 2 – restless, emotionally exposed] Every feeling hits a hundred, There's no halfway in my head. One moment I'm worth everything, The next I'm nothing instead. I feared you'd leave, I clung too tight, Then pushed you out the door. I hated what I'd done to us, Then found a way to hurt us more. I turned my shame against myself, Then drowned it in another high. I'd seen the tears I'd brought to you, But not the pain behind your eyes. [Chorus – fuller, stronger] They called it borderline, But I've been living on the edge. So terrified you'd leave me, I kept giving you reasons to instead. They called it post-traumatic, "Post" means after, left behind. So why's the past still present, Still haunting me inside my mind? I never asked for an excuse, Or someone else to blame. I only wanted to get better, And give the wound a name. [Verse 3 – tense, haunting] I saw things no child should understand, Outside my house, just playing ball. One minute laughing with my friend, The next we're running from it all. We split apart and ran two ways, I raced back home and shut the door. My eye against the peephole glass, Praying they would just walk past. That was only one of many Things no child should have to see. And everything that came after Kept that fear alive in me. At school, on streets, outside our home, Each time gave weight to older fears. Just steps from home, they made their threats, A heavy stone flew through the air. They weren't much more than kids themselves, But I knew what young hands could do. A so-called friend aimed for my chest In fifth grade, tried to push a pencil through. Once I walked with both headphones on, A stranger caught me unaware. Now one stays off when I walk alone, In case somebody else is there. A rustle sounds like footsteps near, A shadow moves, then disappears. I turn to look—there's nothing there; I turn away—I'm gripped by fear. I sleep with one eye open, But even when I close my eyes, They find me in the same old nightmare, And I wake up terrified. [Bridge – stripped-back, voice cracking] I couldn't lose myself in music, Had to hear who followed me. But I could lose myself in drugs And hide the fear till it wasn't something you could see. The drugs made it easier to breathe, Like I was finally feeling free. But you were choking right beside me, And I was too fucked up to see. Your lungs were empty next to mine, While I kept telling you I'm fine. I thought I'd finally found relief, By stealing air you needed to breathe. I tried so hard to drown my demons While you were drowning next to me. I thought the drugs were keeping me alive, While they were killing what we used to be. [Final Chorus – raw, soaring, breaking] They called it borderline, But I've been living on the edge. So terrified you'd leave me, I kept giving you reasons to instead. They called it post-traumatic, "Post" means after, left behind. So why's the past still present, Still haunting me inside my mind? I never asked for an excuse, Or someone else to blame. I only wanted to get better, And give the wound a name. [Outro – quiet guitar, long pauses] Now there's nothing left to numb it, Nothing hiding what I feel. I'm learning what belongs to fear, And what I did that was real. I spent my whole life fearing That someone would hurt me... Too blind to fucking notice... I was the one doing the hurting. [End – silence]
