The Ballad of Grumbles McMugwort #TheTavern

Folk, Irish, Male vocals, bardcore, multi-layered composition, fiddle, guitar, funny, tavern tune, medieval

[Verse 1]
Oh, Grumbles McMugwort sits by the fire,
Muttering woes, his voice getting higher!
"The ale was colder in days of old,
And the barstools sturdier, crafted bold!"

He gripes ‘bout the weather, he moans ‘bout the stew,
Claims the barmaid’s pouring his drinks askew!
Yet every night, he’s still in his seat,
Loudest of all when the chorus repeats!

[Chorus] (Tavern-goers stomp and slam their mugs!)
Hey-ho!... What’s that sound?
Grumbles is grumbling, gather around!
He swears the world’s gone straight to rot,
But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)!

[Verse 2]
Now Nibbles the rat, that sneaky little pest,
Snatched his gold—"OI! That’s me drinking chest!"
He chased the rogue, but tripped on his beard,
Cursed to the heavens—"That rat disappeared!"

Sir Spoonsworth laughed, his spoon raised high,
"Good dwarf, let justice ladle the sky!"
Grumbles groaned, "Ye daft metal loon,
Ye can’t win a fight with a bloody spoon!"

[Chorus - Louder, rowdier, feet pounding!]
Hey-ho!... What’s that sound?
Grumbles is grumbling, gather around!
He swears the world’s gone straight to rot,
But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)!

[Verse 3]
Then in burst Jingles McFizzleboom,
A goblin inventor, and tavern’s doom,
"BEHOLD!" he cried, with a gleam in his eye,
"I’ve built a machine that makes ale fly!"

It sparked, it whirred, it shuddered and "BOOM!"
Grumbles went flying across the room!
He stood back up, his beard full of foam,
And bellowed "Right! I’M TAKIN’ YE GNOME!"

[Chorus - Tavern erupts in cheers!]
Hey-ho! What’s that sound?
Grumbles is grumbling, gather around!
He swears the world’s gone straight to rot,
But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)!

[Bridge]
[Instrumental—wild fiddles, frantic drumming, tankards slamming]

[Final Verse]
Oh, he moans and groans and shakes his fist,
Says "This tavern’s a plague—but it sure would be missed!"
For though he complains from dusk ‘til dawn,
He’s always here, so we sing him this song!

So when you hear a dwarf shout "BAH!" in the night,
Or curse at his ale for not tasting right,
Just raise your glass and laugh ‘til ye choke
Grumbles McMugwort, ye old grumbling bloke!

[Final Chorus - Tavern shakes with joy!]
Hey-ho! What’s that sound?
Grumbles is grumbling, gather around!
He swears the world’s gone straight to rot,
But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)!

(Final cheers]
[Grumbles mutters] "Aye, fine song, but ye sang it too fast! Back in my day, we took our time with a tune!"
[Jingles spoken] "Back in your day, ale was probably made o’ dirt!"
[Grumbles spoken grumbling] "AND IT TASTED BETTER TOO!"
"BOOM"
[Jingles spoken] "BETTY!... I SAID NO FIREBALLS IN THE STEW!"

2920/7500

[The Ballad of Grumbles McMugwort] [A rowdy, foot-stomping pub song full of complaints, clanking mugs, and roaring laughter] [The fiddles fly, the tankards slam, and the tavern shakes with Grumbles McMugwort’s grumbling greatness!] [Verse 1] Oh, Grumbles McMugwort sits by the fire, Muttering woes, his voice getting higher! "The ale was colder in days of old, And the barstools sturdier, crafted bold!" He gripes ‘bout the weather, he moans ‘bout the stew, Claims the barmaid’s pouring his drinks askew! Yet every night, he’s still in his seat, Loudest of all when the chorus repeats! [Chorus] (Tavern-goers stomp and slam their mugs!) Hey-ho!... What’s that sound? Grumbles is grumbling, gather around! He swears the world’s gone straight to rot, But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)! [Verse 2] Now Nibbles the rat, that sneaky little pest, Snatched his gold—"OI! That’s me drinking chest!" He chased the rogue, but tripped on his beard, Cursed to the heavens—"That rat disappeared!" Sir Spoonsworth laughed, his spoon raised high, "Good dwarf, let justice ladle the sky!" Grumbles groaned, "Ye daft metal loon, Ye can’t win a fight with a bloody spoon!" [Chorus - Louder, rowdier, feet pounding!] Hey-ho!... What’s that sound? Grumbles is grumbling, gather around! He swears the world’s gone straight to rot, But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)! [Verse 3] Then in burst Jingles McFizzleboom, A goblin inventor, and tavern’s doom, "BEHOLD!" he cried, with a gleam in his eye, "I’ve built a machine that makes ale fly!" It sparked, it whirred, it shuddered and "BOOM!" Grumbles went flying across the room! He stood back up, his beard full of foam, And bellowed "Right! I’M TAKIN’ YE GNOME!" [Chorus - Tavern erupts in cheers!] Hey-ho! What’s that sound? Grumbles is grumbling, gather around! He swears the world’s gone straight to rot, But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)! [Bridge] [Instrumental—wild fiddles, frantic drumming, tankards slamming] [Final Verse] Oh, he moans and groans and shakes his fist, Says "This tavern’s a plague—but it sure would be missed!" For though he complains from dusk ‘til dawn, He’s always here, so we sing him this song! So when you hear a dwarf shout "BAH!" in the night, Or curse at his ale for not tasting right, Just raise your glass and laugh ‘til ye choke Grumbles McMugwort, ye old grumbling bloke! [Final Chorus - Tavern shakes with joy!] Hey-ho! What’s that sound? Grumbles is grumbling, gather around! He swears the world’s gone straight to rot, But he’s here each night (so he must like it a lot)! (Final cheers] [Grumbles mutters] "Aye, fine song, but ye sang it too fast! Back in my day, we took our time with a tune!" [Jingles spoken] "Back in your day, ale was probably made o’ dirt!" [Grumbles spoken grumbling] "AND IT TASTED BETTER TOO!" "BOOM" [Jingles spoken] "BETTY!... I SAID NO FIREBALLS IN THE STEW!"

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