Gonna be the biggest guy at the ward. Gonna put me in a jail one. Both the same, though. An angel, but I’m big and dark. A twisted angle of saying I’m a fallen son. The bringer of light… Vices gripping this whiteout. Explain, bro. Lost my halo, religion, and hope. A being of faith. I’m not the devil, but neither of us is hateful for no reason. Just like life, it’s what you make of it. Gotta sin to get it. Claiming it was help, but making it mistakeful. Made me feel replaceable and like a hated troll. Justifying the actions of the wicked until you made decisions that made him irretrievably difficult and different. Now I stand out. I feel like everyone’s so dark, while I’m the light. Am I right? Or am I the darkness everyone’s afraid of? Give me the horns, playing with lives unintentionally. Brings hate out. Creates space, though, for people who differentiate between wrong and right, like being lost to the light or losing the fight to the dark. I’ma desolate this flame until there’s all of us to blame. Stand against judgment and remind everyone: who are we to judge? We’re not God, so stop playing. Everybody knows we’re lost, trying to define and find reasons for our ends. Born on the 15th. I learned to read a room by the way the faces shifted, Every hand that reached to help came with a different kind of distance. They kept describing who I was until the picture started sticking, Now I question every motive; even kindness feels suspicious. I got guilt I can’t explain and explanations they won’t listen to, A dozen different versions of myself they swear they’ve witnessed, too. If intent is what defines me, why’s the damage still the evidence? If damage makes me evil, where the hell does that leave innocence? I know the difference between a threat and being threatened, But the line gets hard to see when every memory’s contested. I can name a hundred reasons I became the way I am, But a reason isn’t absolution, and I know that firsthand. Maybe I’m the warning they were looking for in me, Maybe fear became the only thing they ever let me be. I keep searching for the monster like he’s someone I can blame, Then I catch him in the mirror wearing all my facial traits.
