[INTRO — SUSPICIOUSLY CALM] (Deep robotic voice) Good evening, universe. Tonight's program is perfectly normal. (Click) Everything is under control. (Another click) I SAID EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL! (Record scratch) …Who touched my mushrooms?! [VERSE 1 — COOL, FUNKY GROOVE] I woke up dancing on the ceiling, My toaster said it had a feeling. My left brain wanted meditation, My right brain started a space invasion! I bought a clock that runs backwards, Taught my goldfish how to DJ hard. I tried to sit down for a cup of tea… BUT THE TEA STARTED DANCING ON ME! [PRE-DROP — THE WARNING SIGNS] I'm feeling stable! I'm feeling great! I'm feeling— WAIT, WHO CHANGED THE BEAT?! I'm feeling classy! I'm feeling cool! I'm feeling— POTATO DISCO RULES! [DROP 1 — TRALALA MELTDOWN] TRALALA LALÈRE! I'M LOSING MY HAIR! (But I have no hair!) TRALALA LALÀ! WHO PUT THE MOON IN MY BRA?! BOOM-BOOM! WIGGLE-WIGGLE! MY LEFT TURNTable JUST STARTED TO GIGGLE! BASS GO CRAZY! DRUMS GO WILD! DJ CHAMPIGNON IS A MUSICAL CHILD! HAHAHAHA! WHAT WAS THAT?! I JUST BEAT-DROPPED A SLEEPING BAT! [VERSE 2 — UNPREDICTABLE FUNK] One minute I'm a gentleman, The next I'm riding a frying pan. I whisper sweetly to a black hole, Then challenge the universe to a dance-off! I make the bassline wear a tie, I teach a little robot how to fly. I tell the crowd to keep it neat… THEN I THROW SPAGHETTI ON THE BEAT! [GLITCH BREAK — PERSONALITY SWITCH] (Voice 1, elegant) Ladies and gentlemen, Please remain sophisticated. (Voice 2, robotic) Sophistication.exe has stopped working. (Voice 3, tiny and furious) WHO ATE MY BUTTON?! (Voice 4, deep and terrifying) I AM THE MASTER OF— (Squeaky voice) …cheese. (Silence) DJ Champignon: Yeah. That's about right. [BUILD-UP — SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG] Tick-tock! Flip-flop! Mushroom on the mountaintop! Bassline sneezing! Synths are wheezing! Why's the dancefloor slowly freezing?! Five! Four! I forgot the score! Three! Two! THE SPEAKERS ARE TURNING BLUE! One— WAIT! I WANT TO DO IT BACKWARDS! [DROP 2 — THE IRRESISTIBLE BREAKDOWN] BOOM—TSS! TSS—BOOM! WELCOME TO MY MUSHROOM ROOM! LEFT! RIGHT! UP! DOWN! PUT A HAPPY ALIEN ON THE MAYOR'S CROWN! TRALALA LALÈRE! TRALALA LALOO! I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'M DOING… BUT I'M BETTER THAN YOU! (Maniacal robotic laughter) HA! HA! HA! WOBBLE THAT BASS! I JUST PUT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IN A FUNNY FACE! [BRIDGE — THE UNEXPECTED SOFT MOMENT] (Beautiful pads, gentle voice) Sometimes I'm quiet, Sometimes I'm loud. Sometimes I'm a mushroom Lost in the crowd. But give me a rhythm, Give me a light… And I'll turn your Tuesday Into Saturday night. (Beat stops) Awwww… That's beautiful. (Beat restarts violently) NOW EVERYBODY DO THE CHICKEN DANCE! [FINAL DROP — TOTAL HAPPY MADNESS] TRALALA LALÈRE! THE FLOOR IS ALIVE! THE BASS HAS GROWN LEGS! THE DRUMS CAN DRIVE! WOBBLE TO THE LEFT! GLITCH TO THE RIGHT! DJ CHAMPIGNON IS A NATURAL DISASTER TONIGHT! NO RULES! NO BRAKES! JUST BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES! ONE MORE DROP! MAKE THE WHOLE SKY SHAKE! TRALALA LALÈRE! TRALALA LALÀ! THE UNIVERSE IS CRAZY… BUT IT'S CRAZY WITH ME! [OUTRO — FAKE ENDING] (Deep robotic voice) Thank you. I am now perfectly stable. (Three seconds of silence) … Does anybody know how to turn off the sun? (Explosion of laughter) TRALALA LALÈÈÈÈÈRE! (One final ridiculous bass wobble.)
