I feel like dying #1 ghostmix (Remix) (Remix)

[Instrumental intro – spacey synths + deep sub bass] ( I feel like dying...) yeah... been down here so long started thinking the bottom was home ( I feel like dying...) wake up shaking, ceiling spinning like a prayer that went wrong been fourteen months since I felt something and even that feeling is gone popped another just to level out, that's not living that's arithmetic counting pills like rosary beads, calling poison a crucifix mama crying in the kitchen, I can hear her through the wall told her I was fine last Tuesday, finest liar of them all got a mirror on the dresser but I flipped that thing face down can't negotiate with something wearing your face like a crown track marks fading but the hunger never left it just moved inside now it lives behind my sternum like a passenger along for the ride sold the watch my father left me for a night I can't remember found it in a pawn shop window cold and dusty in December that's the metaphor right there — everything precious gets reduced to a transaction with your demons when your mind ain't bulletproof I been romanticizing ruin like it's got some kind of grace but there ain't nothing beautiful about disappearing from your face ( I feel like dying...) Hollow chest, borrowed time on a borrowed breath every high just a loan you pay back with pieces of yourself ( I feel like dying...), the light gets in through the cracks you tried to hide something in you still survived you ain't what you swallowed, ain't the worst night, ain't the fall ( I feel like dying...) But my veins still carry blood — and that means you're still here through it all ( I feel like dying...) Yeah, ( I feel like dying...), Depression ain't the darkness people show you in the movies it's the Tuesday afternoon where nothing hurts but nothing moves me it's the group chat on your phone you haven't opened since the spring it's the shower you keep meaning to take but can't do anything I been self-medicating since I learned that pain was optional if optional means borrowing tomorrow's peace at rates unconscionable the debt collector's coming and his currency is years traded clarity for numbness, traded future self for here met a kid behind the gas station, sixteen, same hollow stare I seen myself at thirteen standing right there in the cold air that's the cycle eating itself, predator and prey the same creature addiction is a teacher that only shows you what it wants you to feature everything is sharp when you're withdrawing, colors wrong world too loud, skin too tight, been awake four days too long called the hotline, put it on hold, told myself I'd call back later even asking for a hand felt like surrendering to failure ( I feel like dying...) Hollow chest, borrowed time on a borrowed breath every high just a loan you pay back with pieces of yourself the mirror don't lie but you stopped looking somewhere around last year built a cathedral out of coping mechanisms, called it atmosphere ( I feel like dying...), the light gets in through the cracks you tried to hide somewhere underneath the wreckage something in you still survived you ain't what you swallowed, ain't the worst night, ain't the fall ( I feel like dying...) But my veins still carry blood — and that means you're still here through it all ( I feel like dying...) But I made it to a morning that I wasn't supposed to see sat outside and watched the sun come up and felt it land on me not euphoria, not fireworks, just warmth — and that was enough turns out survival doesn't always look like winning, sometimes it looks rough started talking to a stranger in a circle of cold chairs said the thing I never said out loud and nobody left, they stayed there that's the thing about the broken — we can recognize each other every scar a introduction, every wound a word for brother I ain't gonna tell you that it's easy, ain't gonna sell you hope in plastic the road back from the bottom is specific and it's drastic but the version of you buried underneath the years of using is still alive and waiting, tired of losing I know because I found mine, barely breathing, barely there eyes adjusted back to color, learned to sit inside my own air glass veins can still carry blood — pressure tested, proven real what survived the thing that broke you is the truest thing you'll feel so if you're reading this from somewhere that you're scared to say out loud I was there and I came back and I am standing in that crowd not above you, right beside you, same damn ground beneath our feet the most radical thing left to do is simply refuse to be beat ( I feel like dying...) Hollow chest, borrowed time on a borrowed breath every high just a loan you pay back with pieces of yourself ( I feel like dying...), the light gets in through the cracks you tried to hide something in you still survived ( I feel like dying...) yeah... Ghost Gang, ( I feel like dying...) still standing, Mad House Music that's enough that's enough for today