If I Die Today, I'll Be a Happy Ghoul (Tempo: Mid-tempo, Rhythmic, with a walking bass line) (Style: Doo-Wop inspired, but with slightly off-key harmonies and a driving, slightly manic rhythm section) (Intro - Group) (Bass Singer) Doo-wop-a-doo-wop! (Tenors, high and shaky) Ooo-ooh-ooo-ooh... (All) (Snapping fingers) If I die today! Yeah! (Verse 1 - Lead Singer, smooth but slightly unhinged) The shadows stretch, the clock goes tic-toc slow, I polished up my bones, put on my death-day glow. My earthly coil is ready for the big embrace, A six-foot deep, eternal, velvet-lined space. No more rent to pay, no more traffic lights, Just endless, breezy, lonely, spectral nights. (Pre-Chorus - Lead) The doctor called it "terminal," the preacher said "sin," But they don't know the party that's about to begin! (Chorus - All, tight, harmonized, slightly frantic) If I die today, I'll be a happy ghoul, Singin' "shoop-shoop-a-doo" by the dead man's pool! No need for a coffin, just a tattered sheet, Wop-a-doo-wop, the afterlife can't be beat! We'll haunt the old diner, the drive-in screen, The happiest phantom that you've ever seen! If I die today, I'll be a happy ghoul! (Verse 2 - Lead Singer, slightly more frantic) I've got my chain and my moan all tuned up right, Gonna rattle the windows 'til the break of light. My heart will stop, but my rhythm will remain, Just a little death, washin' out the pain. I'll glide down the alley, I'll float through the door, And finally scare the landlord I couldn't ignore! (Pre-Chorus - Lead) The fortune teller whispered "doom," the judge just gave time, But they don't know that dying is truly sublime! (Chorus - All, tight, harmonized, slightly frantic) If I die today, I'll be a happy ghoul, Singin' "shoop-shoop-a-doo" by the dead man's pool! No need for a coffin, just a tattered sheet, Wop-a-doo-wop, the afterlife can't be beat! We'll haunt the old diner, the drive-in screen, The happiest phantom that you've ever seen! If I die today, I'll be a happy ghoul! (Bridge - Bass Singer, low, slightly gravelly) Ah-haunt-haunt-haunt, I'm checkin' out tonight! (Tenors, higher, almost a shriek) Shoop-shoo-ba-doobie, everything's alright! (Lead, speaking quickly, half-singing) They'll weep at the funeral, they'll wear the black tie, But I'll be upstairs, floating, givin' 'em the eye! (All) Hey! (Saxophone Solo - Fast, discordant, honking, but keeping the doo-wop beat) (During Solo - Background Vocals) (High Tenor) (Very high, repeated) Ah-whoo! Ah-whoo! (Low Bass) (Repeated) Dead man walkin'! (or) Ghoulie-ghoulie-ghoul! (Mid) Shama-lama-doo! Shoo-wop-wop! (Chorus - All, with added energy, maybe a key change) If I die today, I'll be a HAPPY GHOUL! Singin' "shoop-shoop-a-doo" by the dead man's pool! No need for a coffin, just a tattered sheet, Wop-a-doo-wop, the afterlife can't be beat! We'll haunt the old diner, the drive-in screen, The happiest phantom that you've ever seen! If I die today, I'll be a happy ghoul! (Outro - Lead and Group, fading out) (Lead, spoken with a spooky chuckle) So long, everybody! See ya on the flip side! (Group, fading, overlapping) Shoo-bop! A-doo-wop-a-doo! Happy ghoul! (echoed) Happy ghoul! (Bass) (Final, low note) Dead! (Silence)
