[INTRO] *Stadium drums building* *Crowd chanting: "D-J! D-J! D-J!"* Ladies and gentlemen... The one, the only... The dumbest motherf***er in New Eden... DJ EXILED! [VERSE 1] Sixty thousand skill points, yeah that's all I got Been playin' this game for years but I never trained a lot Can't fly a cruiser, can't fit a gun worth shit But I got a microphone and a whole lotta grit Every other capsuleer got millions in their brain I'm out here with starter skills like I just logged in today, man Can't mine, can't fight, can't trade, can't explore But put me on the comms and watch the whole fleet roar They ask me "What you flyin'?" - it's a f***in' Ibis, bro "What's your main doctrine?" - I don't even know! Can't tell a Raven from a Retriever from a rock But I'm the hype man of the galaxy when DJ hits the dock [CHORUS - STADIUM ANTHEM] I'm the dumbest motherf***er that you ever gonna meet Sixty thousand SP but I bring the f***in' heat! Can't fly nothin', can't shoot nothin', skills are in the dump But I got charisma, baby, watch the whole crowd jump! *Crowd chants: "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!"* Don't need no training queue, don't need no fancy ships All I need's a microphone and my silver-tongued lips I'm DJ Exiled, yeah, the legend with no brain But when I hit that broadcast button, everybody knows my name! [VERSE 2] They say "Train your skills, man, what the hell you doin'?" I say "Nah, I'm good, I got an image I'm pursuin'" Most useless pilot in the whole damn game But somehow I'm the most famous - ain't that insane? FCs be like "DJ, what can you fly for this op?" I'm like "Brother, I can fly an Ibis and that's where it stops" "Can you scout?" - Nah. "Can you tackle?" - Hell no. "Can you hype this fleet up?" - Now THAT'S my f***in' show! Logged in since forever but my skill queue's been empty Never trained a thing but my mouth game is plenty Other capsuleers grinding, optimizing every stat I'm just vibin' in the station, spittin' bars in alliance chat They put billions in their ships, I got millions in my wallet... wait, thousands They got doctrines and strategies, I got... well, I got volume, man Can't point, can't web, can't do a single useful thing But I'm the voice of the alliance, I'm the motherf***in' king! [CHORUS - STADIUM ANTHEM] I'm the dumbest motherf***er that you ever gonna meet Sixty thousand SP but I bring the f***in' heat! Can't fly nothin', can't shoot nothin', skills are in the dump But I got charisma, baby, watch the whole crowd jump! *Crowd chants: "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!"* Don't need no training queue, don't need no fancy ships All I need's a microphone and my silver-tongued lips I'm DJ Exiled, yeah, the legend with no brain But when I hit that broadcast button, everybody knows my name! [BRIDGE - BREAKDOWN] *Music drops to just drums and bass* *Spoken with confidence* You see, everybody else in this game? They're out here min-maxing, theory-crafting, spreadsheeting Calculating DPS, optimal ranges, falloff curves Me? I don't know what the f*** any of that means But I know how to make you FEEL something I know how to make you believe That your shitty frigate is a titan That your 20-man fleet is an army That your alliance... is IMMORTAL *Building back up* They got the skills But I got the SPIRIT They got the ships But I got the VOICE They got the ISK But I got... CHARISMA, BABY! [VERSE 3] Never trained leadership but somehow I'm leading Never trained mining but the miners keep believing Never trained guns but I'm shooting from the lip Never trained logistics but I'm keeping morale equipped Every skill at level one, some at level zero But somehow in this story, I'm the motherf***in' hero Can't read a killboard, can't fit a proper tank But I'll gas you up so hard you'll think your Venture is a Dank... wait, that don't rhyme Point is this: I'm worthless on paper, facts Can't contribute to a fleet in any tactical aspect But when the FC's burned out and the grinding's got you down DJ Exiled's on the mic and we're burning down this town! Sixty thousand SP, that's like a week of training For most people that's pathetic, for me it's entertaining I'm the dumbest, proudest, loudest capsuleer alive And somehow, some way, I continue to survive! [FINAL CHORUS - FULL STADIUM] I'm the dumbest motherf***er that you ever gonna meet Sixty thousand SP but I bring the f***in' heat! Can't fly nothin', can't shoot nothin', skills are in the dump But I got charisma, baby, watch the whole crowd jump! *Crowd chants: "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!"* Don't need no training queue, don't need no fancy ships All I need's a microphone and my silver-tongued lips I'm DJ Exiled, yeah, the legend with no brain But when I hit that broadcast button, everybody knows my name! [OUTRO - TRIUMPHANT] *Full instrumentation, horns blaring* *Crowd going wild* SIXTY THOUSAND! *"HEY!"* SKILL POINTS! *"HEY!"* STILL THE GREATEST! *"HEY!"* DJ EXILED! *"HEY! HEY! HEY!"* Yeah! That's right! I can't fly shit! But I can fly THIS MIC! *Air h
