Allow me to introduce myself though introductions bore me so I've been alive since before alive was a thing and I thought you ought to know I've collapsed a star for fun on Tuesday created life before my lunch I once erased an entire timeline just to prove a hunch The continuum says I'm difficult the continuum says I'm vain But between you and me and eternity they're insufferably plain I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the best thing that ever appeared on your bridge I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the reason your tiny lives have any privilege You can shake your fist at the stars all night You can point and say that it isn't right But admit it Jean-Luc admit it tonight Without me you're just a man in a onesie under fluorescent light I put you on trial for being human and frankly you barely passed I introduced you to the Borg for a giggle and you act like I'm the one who's crass I've offered you the universe I've offered you the sun You said no thank you Q and walked away which is why you're my favourite one Ryker tried to punch me once it was adorable I must say Wharf is fun to turn into things I turned him into a dog on a Tuesday I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the best thing that ever appeared on your bridge I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the reason your tiny lives have any privilege You can call security and point at the door You can tell me you've heard it all before But you love it Jean-Luc right down to the core Without me it's just reports and diplomacy and what is that even for I could click my fingers and you'd be gone every atom scattered to the breeze I could unmake your species before dessert and still have time to sneeze But where's the fun in omnipotence if there's nobody there to see The real reason I keep coming back is you're the only one who interests me I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the sparkle in your dreary little sky I'm Q and you're welcome I'm the only honest god who'll tell you why You're a fascinating little accident a beautiful and stubborn little stain And I'll keep showing up on your bridge Jean-Luc Again and again and again And again and again and again And again and again and again Au revoir mon capitaine
