[Spoken Word] Therapist: Hello, welcome to your therapy session. What are we talking about today? Patient: Avoidance. Therapist: Do you avoid things? Patient: No. Therapist: Your friend thinks you do. Patient: I know. Therapist: She says you need to recognize and own it when you do it. Patient: But that's the problem. Therapist: What's the problem? Patient: I don't know when I'm doing it. Therapist: You don't recognize it? Patient: No. Therapist: What happens when someone asks you a question? Patient: I see the message. Therapist: And? Patient: Sometimes I answer it. Therapist: And sometimes? Patient: I don't. Therapist: Why? Patient: Because sometimes I don't see that there was actually a question. Therapist: But the question is right there. Patient: I know that now. Therapist: What do you mean, now? Patient: After somebody gets angry with me. Therapist: So you didn't realize? Patient: No. Therapist: At the time, what did you think you were doing? Patient: Having a conversation. Therapist: You didn't think you were ignoring them? Patient: No. Therapist: Avoiding them? Patient: No. Therapist: Refusing to answer? Patient: No! Therapist: Then what were you doing? Patient: I was just... responding to what I saw. Therapist: What you saw? Patient: Yes. Therapist: So if someone asks you something, but your brain doesn't register it as a question that needs an answer... Patient: Then I don't know I haven't answered it. Therapist: And if they expect you to elaborate? Patient: I might not know that either. Therapist: Even though they think it's obvious? Patient: That's the part that hurts. Therapist: Why? Patient: Because they're angry at me for something I didn't know I did. Therapist: And when they tell you afterward? Patient: I'm confused. Therapist: Confused? Patient: Yeah. I'm sitting there thinking, "What did I do?" Therapist: And when they say you were avoiding them? Patient: I don't understand. Therapist: Because you weren't consciously avoiding anything. Patient: Exactly. Therapist: You weren't thinking, "I'm not going to answer that." Patient: No. Therapist: You weren't thinking, "I'm going to change the subject." Patient: No. Therapist: You simply didn't recognize what they needed from you. Patient: Yes. Therapist: And that can be especially difficult when your attention and focus work differently. Patient: That's what I'm trying to explain. Therapist: You're not saying, "I don't care." Patient: I'm saying, "I didn't see it." Therapist: You're not saying, "I refuse to answer." Patient: I'm saying, "I didn't know there was something I needed to answer." Therapist: You're not saying, "I'm ignoring you." Patient: I'm saying, "I'm right here. I thought we were talking." Therapist: And when someone gets angry... Patient: I don't know why. Therapist: And that hurts. Patient: A lot. Therapist: Because you're being judged by an intention you never had. Patient: Yes. [Pause] Patient: Maybe that's why the word "avoidance" bothers me so much. Therapist: Why? Patient: Because it makes it sound like I made a choice. Therapist: But you don't experience it as a choice. Patient: No. Therapist: You experience it as missing something. Patient: Exactly. Therapist: Then perhaps the first step isn't simply telling you, "Stop avoiding things." Patient: Thank you. Therapist: Maybe it's helping you recognize the things your brain doesn't automatically recognize. Patient: So if you ask me something and I don't answer... Therapist: It may help to tell you directly. Patient: "Hey, I asked you a question." Therapist: Exactly. Patient: Instead of getting angry? Therapist: Communication works both ways. Patient: That would help. Therapist: And you can work on slowing down and checking whether you've actually responded to what was asked. Patient: I'll try. Therapist: That's all anyone can ask. Patient: I just wish people understood... Therapist: Understood what? Patient: I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Therapist: I know. Patient: I'm not trying to ignore anyone. Therapist: I know. Patient: I'm not trying to avoid anyone. Therapist: I know. Patient: Sometimes... Therapist: Sometimes? Patient: I just genuinely don't see what everyone else sees. Therapist: And when you finally see it? Patient: I wish they'd known that I wasn't ignoring them. Therapist: Maybe that's what this session is really about. Patient: What's that? Therapist: Not avoidance. Patient: Then what? Therapist: Understanding. [Pause] Patient: Can we put that in the song? Therapist: We just did. Patient: Oh. Therapist: See? Patient: See what? Therapist: Nothing. Patient: Okay.
