SANTA’S GOT BEEF ZYRO [Intro — Christmas Bells, Radio Static] [SANTA — Old, Gravelly Spoken Voice] Ho, ho, ho! ZYRO! You’ve been a very bad boy this year! [ZYRO — Deep, Sarcastic Voice] Yeah? And you’ve been breaking into houses for centuries. Who’s the criminal here? [Massive 808 Drop] [Chorus — ZYRO, Aggressive Rhythmic Chant] SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Tell the old man pull up! SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Got the North Pole shook up! Red suit, white beard, big bag, no sleep, He checked my naughty list— Now Santa’s got beef! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Better check that receipt! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Got a problem with me? Sleigh bells ringing, 808s underneath, Merry fucking Christmas— Santa’s got beef! [Verse 1 — ZYRO, Fast Sarcastic Rap] Dear Mr. Claus, let me ask you a question, Why you judging my life with your questionable profession? You got elves working overtime, reindeer doing shifts, And you’re taking all the credit for a billion little gifts. You got a surveillance operation checking who’s been good, Got a chimney-breaking habit in every neighborhood. You say I’m on the naughty list, well, isn’t that ironic? You’re a bearded home invader with a flying supersonic! [Flow Switch — Rapid-Fire] Red hat, big sack, rooftop, sneak attack, Milk glass, cookie stash, midnight, heart attack. Gift wrap, snow track, beard wax, jet lag, Santa needs a holiday— Someone get the man a nap! [SANTA — Mock-Offended] Excuse me?! I’ve been doing this for centuries! [ZYRO — Dry Spoken Voice] And you still haven’t learned to use a doorbell? [Pre-Chorus — ZYRO, Low Rhythmic Rap] North Pole calling, Got a problem on the line. Santa says I’m trouble— Tell him take a fucking number and get in line. [Chorus — Explosive Bass] SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Tell the old man pull up! SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Got the North Pole shook up! Red suit, white beard, big bag, no sleep, He checked my naughty list— Now Santa’s got beef! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Better check that receipt! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Got a problem with me? Sleigh bells ringing, 808s underneath, Merry fucking Christmas— Santa’s got beef! [Verse 2 — SANTA, Deep Gravelly Comedy Rap] Listen here, kid, I’ve been running this game, Since before your great-granddaddy even had a last name. Got a worldwide operation, got a sleigh full of toys, And I don’t take no nonsense from these loud little boys! You got chains on your neck, got an attitude problem, Got a mouth full of trouble and your neighbors can’t stop ’em. I got eight flying reindeer and a list full of names, You got one little microphone— Boy, stay in your lane! [ZYRO — Laughing] One little microphone? Alright. [Beat Switch — Ultra-Fast Technical Rap] I’m a lyrical phenomenon, a holiday anomaly, A certified catastrophe in Christmas chronology. Got a rhythmic reputation, automatic articulation, Santa’s having complications with his yearly evaluation! [Flow Accelerates] Reindeer relocation, elf emancipation, North Pole renovation, sleigh transportation. International investigation, holiday inflation, Somebody call the workshop— We got a labor negotiation! Got the elves in the back screaming, “WE WANT A RAISE!” Got Rudolph on vacation, He’s been missing for days! Mrs. Claus got the credit card, She booked a holiday flight, Now the whole damn North Pole Wants a four-day workweek tonight! [Breakdown — Music Box, Awkward Silence] [SANTA — Defeated Spoken Voice] Alright, alright. Maybe I’ve been a little unreasonable. [ZYRO] A little? [SANTA] Fine. You’re off the naughty list. [ZYRO] Good. And give the elves a bonus. [SANTA] …Seriously? [ZYRO] Seriously. [Final Chorus — Both Voices, Chaotic Energy] SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Tell the old man pull up! SANTA’S GOT BEEF! Got the North Pole shook up! Red suit, white beard, big bag, no sleep, He checked my naughty list— Now Santa’s got beef! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Better check that receipt! HO! HO! HOLD UP! Got a problem with me? Sleigh bells ringing, 808s underneath, Merry fucking Christmas— Santa’s got beef! [Outro — Spoken Dialogue] [SANTA] So… we’re good? [ZYRO] Yeah, we’re good. [SANTA] Merry Christmas, ZYRO. [ZYRO] Merry Christmas, old man. [SANTA] Ho, ho, ho! [ZYRO] And stay off my fucking roof. [Cash Register Ding — Hard Cut]
