**[Intro — Hotel Hallway Ambience, Knock at Door]** **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST — groggy spoken voice]** Yeah? **[Knock Knock Knock]** **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST]** I didn't order anything. **[Pause]** ...Unless you're blonde. **[Door creaks open]** **[FULL BAND ENTERS — Dirty Swaggering Guitar Riff]** **[Verse 1 — Male Lead Vocal]** Two in the morning, room 609 Show was over and I was feeling fine Knock at the door, thought my dinner arrived Opened it up and nearly died Black pointed hat, boots to her thighs Long wooden handle riding between her sides She said, “Mr. Morpork, I've come for you” I looked at that broom and said, “That'll do” **[Pre-Chorus — Male Lead Vocal]** She said, “I clean up messes” I said, “Baby, come inside” She said, “You don't understand me” I said, “That's never stopped me in my life!” **[Chorus — Male Lead with Male Gang Vocals]** **BROOM SERVICE!** Come and sweep me off my feet **BROOM SERVICE!** Baby, make my room complete Ride it high Ride it low Show me everything you know Call downstairs and send me up some **BROOM! BROOM! SERVICE!** **[Male Gang Vocals]** BROOM! SERVICE! BROOM! SERVICE! **[Verse 2 — Male Lead Vocal]** She waved that handle, lights went dim Said some words about mortal sin Curtains closed without a hand Bed started shaking on command I said, “That's impressive, show me some more” She levitated three feet off the floor Said, “Mortal man, get down on your knees” I said, “Finally, instructions I can follow with ease!” **[Pre-Chorus — Male Lead Vocal]** She said, “Fear my power!” I said, “Baby, I sure do” She said, “I'll ride you till sunrise” I said— **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST — shouted]** “YOU OR THE BROOM?!” **[Chorus — Male Lead with Male Gang Vocals]** **BROOM SERVICE!** Come and sweep me off my feet **BROOM SERVICE!** Baby, make my room complete Ride it high Ride it low Show me everything you know Call downstairs and send me up some **BROOM! BROOM! SERVICE!** **[Male Gang Vocals]** BROOM! SERVICE! BROOM! SERVICE! **[Breakdown — Stomping Guitar and Drums]** Sweep it left! **[Gang]** BROOM! Sweep it right! **[Gang]** BROOM! Work that handle All damn night! **[Gang]** BROOM! Polish the knob— **[Music abruptly stops]** **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST — SPOKEN, DISTINCT MALE VOICE]** ...on the door. **[Pause]** What? **[FULL BAND CRASHES BACK IN]** **[Lead Guitar Solo — filthy wah-inflected opening, flashy melodic shred finish]** **[Bridge — Male Lead Vocal]** At six in the morning she grabbed her hat Said, “Gore, you're the strangest man I've met” I said, “Same time tomorrow, room 609?” She said, “I'd rather burn in hell for all of time” **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST — SPOKEN]** So... Seven? **[Huge Drum Fill]** **[Final Chorus — Male Lead with Huge Male Gang Vocals]** **BROOM SERVICE!** Come and sweep me off my feet **BROOM SERVICE!** Baby, make my room complete Ride it high Ride it low Show me everything you know Call downstairs and send me up some **BROOM! BROOM! SERVICE!** **BROOM SERVICE!** Clean me wall to wall **BROOM SERVICE!** Baby, I've got it all Leave the mint Kill the light Park that broomstick here tonight Call downstairs and send me up some **BROOM! BROOM! SERVICE!** **[Male Gang Vocals]** BROOM! BROOM! BROOM! BROOM! **[Band drops out]** **[Hotel Phone Rings]** **[MALE LEAD VOCALIST — SPOKEN]** Hello? **[Pause]** Housekeeping? **[Pause]** No, thanks. **[Another pause]** ...Unless you've got a broom. **[Final Guitar Crash]**
