[Intro] Irredeemable. Unreceivable. Just want someone to see me full. Maybe that's all I'll ever be. But you... You're inconceivable. You're irreplaceable. More than you'll ever know. [Verse 1] I've replayed your voice a thousand times, I still know your laughter by heart. But hearing you again felt different, After all this time apart. So I'm sorry I got carried away. There's something about hearing you speak, Something about hearing your voice, That could calm the greatest storm in my mind. But I know I don't deserve that. I know that's something I lost access to for a long time. And it might not be something I could ever earn back. But that's okay. I have to get up, Fight another day. [Pre-Chorus] Because how can I? How can I? How can I be the man I'm meant to be If I'm always expecting you To let me lean on you? I've leaned on you so hard I never noticed your legs begin to shake. Made you feel unsafe, Like one wrong word was all it'd take. I should've been the one to hold you closer, Not a man crossbred with Stalin and the Joker. [Chorus] But I have so much love inside of me. I know you have every reason To doubt what I feel. Eirill... How can I prove to you that I'm real? When the words I say May never feel Like they're a big deal. So I'll battle every day To show you that I mean what I say. Hoping for the day You'll feel more than okay. [Verse 2] It's just so hard When it feels like the words Are cutting off my tongue. So many words, Feels like I'm drowning in my lungs. Feels like I have no air. Feels like the last time I breathed Was when I felt like you cared. And then today, I didn't feel invisible For the first time in seven months. And maybe it gave me a glimpse of hope That I never really deserved, Or should have gotten back. It's not fair for me to have hope While you're sitting in the dark, Staring into the black. [Verse 3] I want you to be your own light, And Spencer too. I'd take your place in the dark forever, If that meant I could save you. You're everything that I respect And love in a person. I don't want your deepest, darkest thoughts To swallow up the light That still lives within you. It's gotten to the point I don't know what to say, But "I'm sorry" floods my mind. And I fucking hate myself Because that's what I feel All the time. Because I really am sorry. But that's just voices echoing In a room with no one there. And even if you were, All you'd probably do is stare. Or maybe you'd even run, Feeling like I'm a threat. But I can promise you one thing. I'll never let you feel like that again. [Verse 4] I can't promise what you'll think If I never get a chance to prove myself. I understand that sounds contradictory, Considering what a tool I've been. I'm fucking drowning. Drowning in mistakes, Like it's a fucking pool I'm in. I just want us to someday Be able to be cool again. But every time you give me a bit of trust, I leave you feeling like a fool again. But us being cool Isn't what's most important. Out of everything that you felt, And everything that you feel, All I truly want for you Is to feel stronger than any steel. Something nobody can break or bend. Something completely unaffected. I know maybe that's a lot to ask, But I just don't want you To ever have to feel neglected. Because I know you're strong. And I know you're smart. I know you're loving in ways That make our son Never want to be apart. You've given me more joy In our eleven years Than many people receive in a lifetime. So one day I want to be able To return the favor, And have you feeling joy and happiness From day until nighttime. I want you to feel Like I can be your lifeline, If you want. Even if that's just as your friend. [Chorus] But I have so much love inside of me. I know you have every reason To doubt what I feel. Eirill... How can I prove to you that I'm real? When the words I say May never feel Like they're a big deal. So I'll battle every day To show you that I mean what I say. Hoping for the day You'll feel more than okay. [Bridge] Thank you for helping me grow And find a place to put my words. Finding a passion somewhere Where I feel like I don't even need to be heard. I just need a place to express myself, Even if no one's around to hear it. Because keeping it all inside me Is a totally different feeling. One I could never have imagined Or ever felt before. It felt kind of like hearing a knock, And then it not being you at my door. [Outro] So I'll end this with just this. Thank you, Lovely mother of our child. Thank you for being there for him. You've been there for both of us In ways no one should ever forget. And neither should you. You just have to learn To truly love yourself. Don't just put on a fake smile. Actually hug yourself. Spencer loves you, And so do I. Both of us will love you Until the day that we both die. And even after. [End]
