It was the middle of the night Darkness over the land He smelled his bum And he was very, very angry at his mom He didn't get to go in the washing machine He was sad, broken, he was not clean The poor little teddy (He’s not clean) With his smelly bum (He’s not clean) Wasn't sure what to do (He’s not clean, not clean, not clean) He thought why me, how come? (He’s not clean) Paper and caper And so to end the caper (He’s not clean) He stole (He’s not clean) Some toilet paper (He’s not clean) And he could wipe his little bum In the field So he got to the motorway Stuck up his thumb Said don’t smell my bum If I get in your lorry Because I smell quite florrie [falsetto harmony floats in] Can I get in your lorry? But I smell quite florrie For this song I’m sorry I’m very sorry I’d rather be watching Corrie But my bum smells slurry But can I get in your lorry? I want to go to the port To get on a boat With my note Because all the other teddies Were given a gloat Were they? (Yeah) The teddies were given a gloat The gloat, they gloat, they said He-hey, we’re clean and you are smelly It made me want to leave home I felt every broken bone I wanted to die because I had a smelly bottom Bottom, bottom, bottom How could you feel? Every bone was broken Bottom, bottom, bottom If you had no bone working to feel That there was nothing working So I got on my boat, boat, boat And I had a gloat (Hallelujah) Because they were all at home (Yeah, yeah) And I was able to roam But everyone said Hey listen Ted, listen Ted, listen Ted You may be able to sing, sing, sing, sing But your bum’s a bit a-digga-ligga-ligga-ligga-ligga Whoa, whoa, whoa, digga-ligga-ligga-ligga-ligga Whoa, whoa, whoa, digga-ligga-ligga-ligga-ligga And then he arrived on the moon Where he could clean his bum with a spoon On the moon Clean his bum with a spoon Laba-laba-laba-laba-laba-doop-doop-doop-doop-doop-wa-wa-wa I would like to apologize as part four seems to have balls’d up quite a bit. Part four, part four, part four actually, but I guarantee part five will be a cock-up. He’s just been in the spliff shed. Shut it. part four of our epic tale of the tEddy maDE better
