i pretend i don’t hear the whispers when you laugh with them online like i can’t see your eyes go cold every single time you tell them i’m disgusting, say i’m nothing but a joke but i still wait beside my phone like every word could keep me whole and i hate that i still love you after everything you do you tear me apart in public then i run right back to you cause you were my whole world my stitched-up little universe i gave you every broken part you only made it hurt worse and every night i hide away bathroom floor, sink running low crying till my chest goes numb trying not to let it show then morning comes, i fake a smile like i’m perfectly okay while carrying a hundred cuts you’ll never notice anyway you tell everybody i’m ugly tell everybody i’m insane say i was the worst boyfriend like i only caused you pain but i memorized your heartbeat like a song i couldn’t lose while you turned me into someone too destroyed to even choose and i know i should let go i know i should disappear but your voice still lives inside my head crystal sharp and way too clear so i keep pretending i’m alright keep pretending i don’t care keep pretending love still feels like love when there’s nothing even there and every night i hide away bleeding through another sleeve holding all the things you said like they’re something to believe then i wash my face at 3am stand back up and play my part cause nobody ever notices a slowly collapsing heart
