[Intro] Diez Firzt, yeah. I came here to be scared. Why am I blushing? [Verse 1] Used to be the killer wore a rotten old mask, Now he’s six-foot-four with a sculpted back. Blood on his knife, jawline sharp, Whole theater whisperin’, “Hear me out” in the dark. Monster crawls out from beneath the bed, Perfect cheekbones, leather pants, painted red. Supposed to scream, supposed to run, Why’s the demon built like he lives at the gym for fun? Vampire used to look like death got dressed, Now every Dracula’s got an open chest. Werewolf growlin’, moon up high, Internet already drew him shirtless by midnight. [Pre-Chorus] I don’t know when horror changed, But something here is getting strange. You gave the creature glowing eyes— Then gave him abs. Guys. Why? [Chorus] Why is the monster hot? Why is the killer fine? I’m supposed to fear for my life, Not ask if he’s got time. Why is the monster hot? Who approved this design? He just murdered seventeen people, But the comments say, “He’s mine.” I came for terror! Blood! Despair! Not somebody yelling, “Smash,” from the folding chair. Why is the monster hot? Hollywood, explain. I should be hiding from the killer— Not remembering his name. [Verse 2] Masked slasher walks in, whole crowd goes wild, Doesn’t even speak, still somehow got style. Take the mask off—oh, here we go, Sad little backstory and a fashion-show glow. Ghost girl crawling with her hair all down, Ten minutes later she’s the queen of the town. Demon lady bends backward on the wall, TikTok comments: “She can call me anytime at all.” Ancient evil, thousand years old, Why’s he moisturized? Why’s his hair so bold? Escaped a tomb, cursed mankind, Still got better skin than me somehow—fine. [Pre-Chorus] Every trailer starts with dread, Then somebody edits thirst traps instead. He’s holding an axe, covered in gore— And somehow that just makes the fandom want him more. [Chorus] Why is the monster hot? Why is the killer fine? I’m supposed to fear for my life, Not ask if he’s got time. Why is the monster hot? Who approved this design? She just crawled straight out of Hell, And somebody said, “Divine.” I came for terror! Blood! Despair! Not a twelve-part thread About the killer’s hair. Why is the monster hot? Hollywood, explain. You made evil photogenic, Now horror’s dating again. [Bridge] Jason never needed cheekbones. Freddy didn’t need a thirst edit. The Xenomorph was horrifying— Nobody had to say, “Okay, but hear me out—” …Actually, somebody probably did. No. Stop it. That thing has acid blood. [Verse 3] Now the villain gets a slow-mo shot, Camera pans down like, “Look what we got.” Victim’s running, music gets low, Killer steps in like a fragrance commercial. “Eau de Murder.” “Notes of cedar.” “Hints of trauma.” “Available this fall.” I miss monsters shaped like nightmare fuel, Crooked little goblins breakin’ every rule. Give me something slimy, something deeply wrong, Something nobody’s making fancams of before the credits song. [Final Chorus] Why is the monster hot? Why is the killer fine? I bought a horror movie ticket, Not a murderous Calvin Klein. Why is the monster hot? Why’s evil looking prime? Every time somebody gets disemboweled, The fandom says, “Would,” online. I came for terror! I came to flee! Stop making supernatural murderers More attractive than me! Why is the monster hot? Hollywood, explain. …And why does he have a better skincare routine? [Outro] Diez Firzt. Next movie, give me a monster that looks horrible. No abs. No jawline. No tragic pretty-boy eyes. Just disgusting. … And I swear to God, if Twitter still wants him— I give up.
