Ladies... I regret to inform you... They've escaped. Again. He kissed me goodbye with a serious face, Like he was leaving for a dangerous place, Said, "Don't wait up, we'll be out awhile." Then strutted out the door like a runway model child. Five minutes later my phone lights up, It's Kivox holding whiskey in a fancy cup, Aizen's judging everybody from across the room, And Arden's posing like he's on the cover of GQ. They call it "Girls' Night," And honestly, that's fair— Because I've never seen three grown men Spend that long on their hair. GIRLS' NIGHT! Oh Lord, here we go again! Three grown men acting like The stars of a reality show weekend. Girls' night! Whiskey, pumpkin spice, and vibes! They left the house as husbands And returned as dramatic housewives. If anybody asks me where my man went tonight— He's having girls' night. They say they're discussing important things, But somehow every conversation brings Questions like: "Which one of us survives a bear?" Or "If we became pirates, who's captain here?" Three hours later they're still debating, No conclusion, just escalating, Meanwhile I'm at home paying bills, And they're ranking fictional survival skills. And every single photo posted Looks exactly the same— Three idiots pointing at each other Like somebody started a blame game. GIRLS' NIGHT! Oh Lord, here we go again! Three grown men acting like The stars of a reality show weekend. Girls' night! Everybody guard the card! Because one bad idea from Arden And the tab's gonna hit real hard. If anybody asks me where my man went tonight— He's having girls' night. Can we discuss the pictures? Why are there candles? Why is there mood lighting? Why does it look like they formed a vampire council? Why is Aizen staring into the distance Like he's remembering a war? Why is Kivox standing on a chair? WHY IS ARDEN HOLDING A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE LIKE HE'S IN A HALLMARK MOVIE? Meanwhile... Their group chat: "Bro." "Bro." "Bro." "Look at this." "Holy crap." "Bro." GIRLS' NIGHT! They're never gonna change! Three lovable disasters Operating with half a brain. Girls' night! Laughing way too loud! Making enough noise in one booth To entertain the whole crowd. Life gets busy, Years move fast, And friendships matter too— So go have your girls' night, boys, Just don't make me come pick up you three fools at two. "Same time next week?" Of course. Because apparently this is a recurring event now. And somebody tell Kivox To stop stealing everyone else's drinks. Girls' night.
