Losing Rooms (Emberz)

[Intro - fingerpicked ukulele alone, intimate close-mic vocal; faint pedal steel enters behind the final lines] There’s a picture on my phone Where I don’t recognize my face Not because I’ve changed that much I just remember that whole place She thought forty sounded ancient Like some country far away I wanna reach into that photograph And tell her she’ll get here someday [Verse 1 - restrained R&B groove enters] I know a bar that’s still standing But nobody there knows my name The jukebox moved, the walls got painted Even loneliness has changed I could sit down in my old seat Order what I ordered then But you can’t recreate a moment Just because you know where it’s been Found a dress behind the winter coats I swore I’d wear again It fits me just as well as ever It just don’t fit who I am Still smells a little like that perfume I couldn’t afford back then Funny how I wanted to be somebody I don’t wanna be again [Pre-Chorus - drums pull back, pedal steel answers vocal] Every year leaves something behind Every year takes something too And lately I’ve been counting All the rooms I can’t go back to [Chorus - warm stacked R&B harmonies] I keep losing rooms In a house I still live in Doors close quietly I don’t notice when they do One held seventeen One held twenty-two One held a girl who thought she’d die If somebody didn’t choose And I swear sometimes at midnight I can hear her through the floor I keep losing rooms I don’t need to live in anymore [Post-Chorus - ukulele carries melody; pedal steel bends underneath] [Verse 2] There’s a friend inside my contacts Who became a stranger slow No fight, no final conversation Just less and less hello We were gonna grow old laughing Still raising hell at sixty-three Guess forever has a habit Of renegotiating things I used to hate the little lines That showed up by my eyes Now I know they’re just receipts For every time I laughed and cried And I spent half my twenties worried Someone prettier walked in God, imagine wasting youth Being scared that youth would end [Pre-Chorus] Every year leaves something behind Every year takes something too But I’m starting to forgive All the doors I can’t go through [Chorus] I keep losing rooms In a house I still live in Doors close quietly I don’t notice when they do One held twenty-one One held twenty-nine One held somebody I loved Who couldn’t love me right And I swear sometimes at midnight I can hear our old mistakes I keep losing rooms But maybe that’s how houses change [Bridge - everything drops except ukulele and vocal] My eyes look like my mother’s My hands are getting there Found my first little silver Hiding underneath my hair I almost pulled it out Then thought— Girl, leave that damn thing be I fought too hard to get this far To hide the proof of me [Pedal steel enters] We talk about our younger selves Like they knew something we don’t Like she had all the answers Just because her skin was young But she was scared And broke And searching Making homes of open doors Maybe I don’t miss that girl [brief silence] Maybe I just miss having more. [Final Chorus - fullest arrangement, gospel/R&B background harmonies with steel pedal soaring above] I keep losing rooms In a house I still live in Some doors slam shut Some disappear without a sound One held first loves One held summer nights One held women I became Just trying to survive I’m not scared of getting older Like I used to be before ’Cause every version of myself Got me standing at this door So leave the hallway light on For the girls I used to know I can love who I was then Without wishing I could go I keep losing rooms But there’s something I finally knew— This house ain’t getting smaller I’m still adding rooms to it too [Outro - drums and bass disappear; ukulele returns to intro figure] There’s a picture on my phone Where that girl looks back at me [soft laugh] She thought forty sounded ancient… Baby, wait and see. [Pedal steel rises and fades]