[Intro – panicked, out of breath] Ayy. Man tried lick a quick move at the shop. Walk in, grab the till, bop out—easy. Didn’t know man behind the counter trained in Shaolin... And customer service. [Verse 1 – tongue twisting from the jump] I stepped in smooth, hoodie zipped, blade tucked Told bossman “shh,” man said “good luck” Didn’t even flinch, just tied his bun Then roundhouse kicked with a Tesco pun “Buy one, get clapped free,” he said I spun, slipped on a tin of bread Got launched through gum with a coke can dent Now I’m parried by fists in fluorescent thread Man did flips round fridge display Caught man’s chin with a soba tray I tried dash out, he blocked my way Like “nah bruv — come finish your fate” [Hook – chanted like a schoolyard fight anthem] Nicked by a ninja in a newsagent Came for Ps, now I’m bruised and vacant He used kung-fu and a Club bar stick Now I’m callin’ my mum like “this man’s legit!” Nicked by a ninja in a newsagent Didn’t even blink — just bent and faded Did a cartwheel kick in a multipack stack Now I’m lyin’ in pain on a Ribena rack [Verse 2 – faster, flow spirals] Had a deathmatch next to the scratchcard shelf He broke my wrist with a yoghurt belt Did two jabs, a sweep, and bowed Then headbutted me into a Snickers cloud I swung back wild with a pack of gum He blocked that move with a custard bun Dropped elbow deep in a bounty bag Then whispered “you’re lucky I’m on the mag” Got bagged, zip tied in a Doritos aisle Man did tai chi while I wept in style Told him “please, I’m new to crime” He said “your chi is *deeply* out of line” [Bridge – slower beat, whispered shame] Thought I’d rob and duck, like normal bits Now I’m curled up near the cat food kits Staring at lights like “is this the end?” While he drinks green tea and texts his friend [Hook – return, bigger ad-libs] Nicked by a ninja in a newsagent Got caught tryna act too flagrant He backflipped through the Red Bull fridge Then kicked me clean out my Air Max bridge Nicked by a ninja in a newsagent Said “I'm calm” — got smoked for the statement Came for cash, left as art Now I’m on TikTok with a bruised-up heart [Outro – like a diary entry read from hospital bed] Don’t rob shops. Especially not ones with incense burners and kung-fu posters. Man said “Namaste” Then broke my nose in silence.
