[Intro: Wurlitzer, slap bass walks in, Eb Ab Fm7 Bb] [Verse 1: smooth, amused, breathing room, Eb Ab Bb] Kid walks into my office No product name, no logo Just a laptop and a dream And the most disturbing demo I have ever seen [Pause] He says "it's A-I roleplay" I say "what kind" He says "any kind" I say "show me" [Pause] He should not have shown me [Verse 2: grooving, breathing room, Fm7 Bb Eb] The users write the story in advance Pick characters from whatever show they like Rearrange the names just enough To not get sued (but not really) Noble intentions, grand narratives Three messages in [Pause] And it's sex It's always sex Every quest ends in a bedroom Every battle ends in a bedroom I said "what about the mystery genre" He said "bedroom" [Horn stab] [Chorus: full band, children's choir, call and response, Eb Ab Fm7 Bb] They fuckin (they fuckin) They fuckin (they fuckin) And the game servers are huggin Don't know why they doin it But our payment processor just chuggin They fuckin (oh lord) They fuckin (oh my) And retention is a hundred 'cause They're too ashamed to say goodbye [Clavinet fill] [Verse 3: tighter, judging, wah guitar, breathing room, Ab Bb Eb] I looked at this man's product And I judged him Deep in my soul These people writing love scenes With rearranged anime characters At two in the morning on a Tuesday Paying nine ninety-nine a month For the privilege of their own shame [Pause] I said "what's the churn rate" He said "zero" I said "nobody cancels?" He said "nobody cancels something They can't admit they have" [Pause] And I felt something Not respect But close Like respect's cousin Who works in collections [Verse 4: darker, still groovy, breathing room, Eb Fm7] Met a user at a focus group Called it "the cervix" (the service) Said he can't see people anymore Without seeing the characters His barista an A-I girlfriend His landlord an A-I rival Living in the game And the game isn't even on [Pause] I said "son, reality is what I tell you it is" He nodded like that made sense For about three weeks Until the antipsychotics kicked in [Clavinet fill] But for those three weeks I had a vision If he's seeing it everywhere Why not make it official A-R goggles, overlay the whole world Your barista IS your girlfriend now The bus, the grocery store, the doctor's office All content, all monetizable All nine ninety-nine a month Per eye [Chorus: fuller, children's choir louder, handclaps, Eb Ab Fm7 Bb] They fuckin (they fuckin) They fuckin (they fuckin) And the game servers are huggin Don't know why they doin it But our payment processor just chuggin They fuckin (have mercy) They fuckin (good lord) They built the characters to look like themselves Narcissus found the pond and we supplied the sword [Clavinet solo: Fm7 Bb Eb Ab] [Verse 5: shift, quieter, just Rhodes, breathing room, Ab Bb Eb] Now I assumed these were tech boys Six figures and no girlfriends Daddy's money, digital companionship Easy marks with easy money [Pause] So I pulled the demographics [Pause] I should not have pulled the demographics [Verse 6: darker, bass drops low, breathing room, Eb Fm7] Disability checks Minimum wage Kids on free lunch programs Whose parents chose the subscription Over the electric bill Every month [Pause] One woman cancelled her insulin To keep her account active I read that in the data Sat with it for a minute [Half bar rest] Then I raised the price [Bridge: stripped, just bass and Rhodes, Fm7 to Eb] See rich people negotiate Rich people got lawyers Rich people cancel and come back And ask for a discount [Pause] Poor people just pay Quietly, on time, every time Full extraction, no friction Just the sound of a processor Doing what it does [Pause] And I found that cleaner somehow [Verse 7: full groove returns, momentum, Ab Bb Eb Fm7] Now a senator got wind of it Wanted to "protect consumers" Which is code for "protect my re-election" So I called my guy in Washington And his guy drafted a bill That prevents A-I legislation For forty years [Pause] Forty years They called it "The Innovation Protection Act" I called it a legislative condom Keeps the government from touching my business For a generation and a half [Pause] Cost me less than the insulin lady pays in a year [Chorus: big, children's choir full, legato, Eb Ab Fm7 Bb] They fuckin (they fuckin) They fuckin (they fuckin) And the game servers are huggin Don't know why they doin it But our payment processor just chuggin They fuckin (they broke) They fuckin (they paying) Narcissus built a mirror out of loneliness And I'm the one who's weighing What it's worth [Outro: Rhodes alone, bass fading, Eb] Kid walked into my office No product name No logo Just a laptop And the loneliest business model I have ever funded [Long Pause] I funded it in the room Didn't even read the deck [Pause] The churn rate was zero [Wah guitar — last note, fading] Can't quit what you can't admit [End]
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