HR DON’T PLAY (90s Hip-Hop HR Anthem) [Intro] Yeah… This one’s for Employee Relations… For the ladies holding it together while everybody else loses their minds… Another complaint… Another investigation… Another manager asking a question that’s literally in the policy… HR Squad… Let’s ride. [Verse 1] Clock in, coffee up, let’s begin the show, Somebody’s got drama and it’s barely eight-oh-oh. Harassment claim, employee beef, Manager’s confused and they’re calling for relief. Got folks acting wild like they’re still in school, Trying to explain the handbook and the simplest rule. Can’t follow directions, can’t read an email, Then they act surprised when the whole thing fails. Everybody’s emergency ain’t emergency to me, Poor planning on your part don’t create urgency. Got twenty open cases and a meeting in ten, And somehow I’m explaining professionalism again. People think we’re personal assistants, Personal therapists, Personal problem solvers, And miracle workers all at once. [Pre-Chorus] We got forms on forms, And forms on forms, Sign here, date there, Welcome to the storm. [Chorus] HR don’t play, we survive every day, Putting out fires while the chaos comes our way. Employee relations, investigations too, Trying to keep the workplace from becoming a zoo. HR don’t play, we keep our heads straight, Even when the nonsense is coming in late. And when we’re about to lose our minds completely, Thank God for the ladies standing right beside me. [Verse 2] Managers asking, “What should I do?” I’m thinking, “Have you tried managing your crew?” Coaching conversations, documentation too, Doing half their job while we’re pushing paperwork through. Everybody thinks we’re their personal staff, Like we got nothing else to do but answer on their behalf. “Need this right now!” “Need that today!” Meanwhile they ignored it for a month anyway. Some leaders are solid, got our backs for real, Others got us wondering how they got the deal. But we keep moving forward, keep the train on track, Even when the same issue keeps circling back. And somehow every week there’s a brand-new surprise, A grown adult acting like they’re seven in disguise. [Chorus] HR don’t play, we survive every day, Putting out fires while the chaos comes our way. Employee relations, investigations too, Trying to keep the workplace from becoming a zoo. HR don’t play, we keep our heads straight, Even when the nonsense is coming in late. And when we’re about to lose our minds completely, Thank God for the ladies standing right beside me. [Bridge] Here’s to the group chat… The lunch breaks… The vent sessions… The eye contact across the conference room… The “Did this really happen?” The “You’re never gonna believe this…” The “Girl, I got you…” And the running joke that keeps us all alive… Some days need coffee, Some days need tea, Some days got us pricing margaritas by three. Another investigation? Pour a double in a dream. Another manager meltdown? Pass the imaginary whiskey, please. We’re joking… mostly… At least that’s what we’ll say. Because the stories in HR get wilder every day. Got a master’s degree in employee relations, And a PhD in smiling through ridiculous situations. Coffee in the morning, happy hour by five, Thank God for this HR crew keeping us alive. [Final Verse] We ain’t just HR, we’re a sisterhood crew, Keeping each other laughing when the madness breaks through. Safe space, strong women, helping each one cope, Turning workplace chaos into teamwork and hope. When the inbox is exploding, And the phone won’t stop ringing, And somebody’s crying, And somebody’s yelling, And somebody forgot to do the one thing they were supposed to do… We look at each other, Take a deep breath, Laugh so we don’t cry, And get it done. From investigations to the forms we complete, We’re the backbone of the business and we don’t miss a beat. So raise a cup high to the ladies in the room, Keeping HR alive while avoiding the doom. [Final Chorus] HR don’t play, we survive every day, Putting out fires while the chaos comes our way. Employee relations, investigations too, Trying to keep the workplace from becoming a zoo. HR don’t play, that’s the truth we know, Holding it together while the crazy steals the show. And when retirement finally comes our way, We’ll probably still be documenting somebody’s behavior anyway. [Outro] Employee Relations… Documentation Nation… Glorified babysitters… Professional fire fighters… The HR Ladies Club… Saving workplaces… One ridiculous situation at a time. Mic drop
