Werewolves of Tinder

[INTRO — LOPING COUNTRY-BLUES BOOGIE] [PIANO RIFF | FIVE-STRING BASS | LAZY DRUMS] [TELECASTER ANSWERS | CONOR LOW BARITONE] [VERSE 1] Saw a werewolf standing underneath a streetlight, Cellphone glowing in his hairy hand. Black denim jacket, silver buckle shining, Looking like he'd made himself a plan. He checked the picture. Checked the corner. Checked the picture once again. Her profile said: “Black coffee. Graveyards. Country music. Don't like boring men.” [CONOR] “Well... I got one of those covered.” [CHORUS] A-WOOOOOO! Werewolves of Tinder. A-WOOOOOO! Werewolves of Tinder. Swipe right, baby, under that big full moon. [PIANO + TELE TURN] [VERSE 2] He'd been honest in the little profile window: “Six-foot-two and hairy after dark. Like long walks, rare steak and old blues records. Full moon sometimes brings out quite a bark.” He figured she'd ghost him. Which seemed appropriate. Eleven minutes after nine, He saw black boots coming down the sidewalk— And thought, “Good Lord. She's actually mine.” [STOP] [VERSE 3 — SHE ARRIVES] Black cowboy hat with a silver hatband, Black pearl shirt buttoned to her throat. Black painted nails and a skull-head bolo, Silver roses stitched into her coat. Big silver buckle. Black leather boots. Eyeliner dark enough to sin. She looked him over from his ears down to his claws. Then smiled. “Well? You gonna let me in?” [CHORUS] A-WOOOOOO! Werewolves of Tinder. A-WOOOOOO! She didn't even flinch. He showed some fang, she tipped that black hat back— “Cute. Now let's go dance.” [BOOGIE BREAK — PIANO + HARMONICA] [VERSE 4] He said, “Maybe you missed one little detail.” She said, “Werewolf? Yeah. I read.” “You ain't worried?” “Should I be?” “Well... Usually people are.” She shrugged. “Last guy I dated played a fucking banjo. I'll survive.” [HARD STOP] [CONOR LAUGHS] “Fair enough.” [VERSE 5 — HONKY-TONK] She took him to a honky-tonk outside the city, Neon horseshoe buzzing over the door. Said, “Keep your claws up off my good black shirt, And try to count to four.” Heel. Toe. Step. Slide. That wolf was learning fast. By the third damn song he'd found the line— By the fourth he led the class. [CHORUS — FULL BAND] A-WOOOOOO! Werewolf line dancing! A-WOOOOOO! Look at that bastard go! Boots hit the floor when the full moon rises— Heel, toe, heel, toe, HEEL! [INSTRUMENTAL — CONOR HARMONICA FEATURE] [TELECASTER + PIANO BOOGIE] [FIVE-STRING BASS WALKING HARD] [VERSE 6] Around midnight somebody finally noticed There was something strange about the hairy guy. Bartender said, “Ma'am... Your date's a werewolf.” She took one sip and never blinked an eye. “Yeah.” [BEAT] “We met online.” Then she grabbed his paw and pulled him back in line. “Quit wagging your tail. You're missing five-six-seven-eight.” [FINAL CHORUS] A-WOOOOOO! Werewolf on Tinder! A-WOOOOOO! Found himself a date. She's country Goth and he's howling at the moon, And neither one got home till late. A-WOOOOOO! Werewolf on Tinder! Black boots sliding across that floor— He came looking for love under a full moon— She taught him a two-step instead. [HARD STOP] [OUTRO — PIANO RIFF] Next morning he changed his profile: [CONOR] “Werewolf. House-trained. Learning to dance.” [BEAT] She swiped right again. [HARMONICA STING]