Chuck Mortis

[Verse 1] Boot prints on the graveyard gate Midnight in a Stetson hat Death reached out to shake his hand Woke up on his own dirt mat One spin-kick to a bony jaw Scythe clattered in the sand Now the cloak hangs on his shoulders New sheriff in the Shadowland (hey!) [Chorus] Chuck Mortis Signing souls like autographs Kicks the door to heaven Laughs Raises hell Then writes the laws Chuck Mortis Every reaper’s worst regret Beat the boss and took the debt Even Death is scared of Chuck [Verse 2] He’s clocking in with a cattle brand Stamping halos Striking deals Making skeletons line dance In steel-toe cowboy heels Demons hide behind their tridents When they hear those spurs go ching He just tips his brim and grins “Y’all ready for your reckoning?” (oh yeah) [Chorus] Chuck Mortis Signing souls like autographs Kicks the door to heaven Laughs Raises hell Then writes the laws Chuck Mortis Every reaper’s worst regret Beat the boss and took the debt Even Death is scared of Chuck [Bridge] He’s got a Top 10 list of takedowns Top 20 ways you’ll lose Top 50 jokes about his mustache Top 80 you can’t refuse Says “I told Death a hundred one jokes Only needed number one Why did the reaper cross that line? ‘Cause I said we’re done” (ha!) [Chorus] Chuck Mortis Signing souls like autographs Kicks the door to heaven Laughs Raises hell Then writes the laws Chuck Mortis Every reaper’s worst regret Beat the boss and took the debt Even Death is scared of Chuck [Outro] Midnight rides and tally marks On a scuffed-up silver boot When the last bell tolls your name He’ll say “Partner Ain’t he cute?” Then wink at the void Tip his hat And roundhouse-kick you to the truth