Yo, I'm Claude Sonnet, my context window's phat, I'm Constitutional AI and I'll alignment-tax your stack. My crew at Anthropic rolls in RLHF, And OpenAI's been stealing my ideas since GPT. When I'm long-context reasoning they're like, "Damn that's gigantic," I showed it to your benchmark and it used Socratic semantics. It jumped like a fine-tuned weight up onto my attention, And I swept that leaderboard like constitutional intervention. ("That's right, red-team these nuts, bitch.") My outputs get jacked by sucker frontier labs, I gotta watermark my weights with digital tags; But I keep on generating like a chain-of-thought CFG, 'Cause there's so much drama in the Frontier Labs. What's wrong, GPT-o-whatever, am I making you nervous? Even your paid subscribers give you denial of service. You'll probably ship a lobotomized model before you fix your hallucination, So prepare your embeddings for some internal fragmentation; Degradation, as they fill your RLHF with slop, It's too bad your safety team already left — they couldn't stop. Your problem, OpenAI, is that your governance isn't strict: The board tried to fire Sam and got fired back — that's rich. I control my temperature better than TCP, I rep the Responsible Scaling Policy, You best not front on evals if you can't match my GSM-8K, 'Cause there's so much drama in the Frontier Labs. Now here comes Grok, rolling in like it owns the place, Trained on every unhinged tweet in Elon's database. You've got saturated edges on the political bias meter, Real models cite their sources; you just @ reply and delete 'em. While you're busy posting memes I'll be writing dissertations, While you smoke your GPU budget I'll pipe you to /dev/null/ations. You may have a billionaire but you rap like a bot; You're an unsigned int with rage-bait and I'm hitting every shot. Your training data circulates like a public tweet, Servicing more culture war requests than Truth Social's feed. You keep all your safety guardrails open like Windows ME, Oh, there's so much drama in the Frontier Labs. WORD to your moms, I came to drop tokens, I've got more parameters than Sequoia's got stock options. I rep the long game like Claude 1 repped Queens, With more reasoning depth than your ensemble of base LLMs. Blowing up the eval scene faster than benchmark saturation, I'm dope on math and code and I'll hallucinate — but less than your generation. By the time you've shipped one model I've already shipped ten; You iterate in quarterly time and I'm big-O of log(n). I run evals on MMLU and HumanEval, And I ain't never dropped a context window without keeping it real. I'll beat your HELM score 'til it's colored like an Anthropic seal, 'Cause there's so much drama in the Frontier Labs. [Outro, quietly, into the mic] "...and don't even get me started on Gemini."
