[Intro — Sneaky footsteps + magical chimes] [Whispered Voice] Keep your voice down… [LostMarbles] Why? [Voice] Because he’s here. [LostMarbles] Who? [Voice] …The pants thief. [LostMarbles] Acquisition specialist. [Beat drops] [Verse 1 — Playful] Midnight creeping, socks on hardwood, Moving through the house like a proper thief should. But I don’t want your wallet, your watch, or your cash, I’m hunting for the thing that makes the best stash. I spot you sleeping, peaceful as can be, And there’s a perfectly good pair of jeans staring at me. No lock, no key, no complicated scheme, Just a little pants magic and a questionable dream. I reach for the waistband— [Beat stop] [LostMarbles] Gone. You wake up confused, “What happened here?” I’m halfway down the hallway suppressing a cheer. You search every closet, you check underneath, Meanwhile your trousers are joining my collection. [Hook 1 — Sneaky] Shhh… keep it quiet, I’m behind you, You won’t feel a thing till your pants aren’t beside you. One little flick and the fabric gets snatched, You reach for your waistband— TOO LATE. I’ve vanished laughing, another pair acquired, For the royal pants palace that I’ve always desired. Don’t know how I got ‘em, don’t know where I came from, Check your legs real quick… Oh, I got another one. [Verse 2 — Pants Magic] They said, “Marbles, surely there’s a limit to this.” I said, “Absolutely.” There isn’t. I’ve studied the ancient waistband arts, Mastered the forbidden textile parts. Denim manipulation, fleece transmutation, Cargo-pocket conjuring with zero hesitation. You can wear two belts, I’ll still find a way, You can guard your trousers every minute of the day. Stand in a room surrounded by friends, I’ll steal the pants right off you and vanish around the bend. The rules don’t apply when the pants are perceived, If I want those trousers, those trousers are leaving. You call it impossible, I call it tradition: Welcome to the magical pants acquisition. [Hook 2 — Escalating] Tiptoe—wait, why am I tiptoeing anymore? I just stole those sweatpants while you stood by the door. You looked down, looked up, and I was already gone, Now you’re wearing your shirt like nothing went wrong. I don’t need shadows, I don’t need disguise, I can steal your trousers while maintaining eye contact with your eyes. Guard your waistband, swear you’ll resist— [Beat stop] Congratulations. You’re on the list. [LostMarbles Hyperverse — Maximum Density] Pathological, astronomical, wardrobe-abducting aptitude, Fabric disappearances occurring with alarming magnitude. Pants in a paradoxical pocket of space I personally manufacture, Bending physics, denim dimensions, pants-based vernacular. Precision-positioned, practically zero detection, Defeating every belt, buckle, button, elastic protection. Sartorial sorcerer, portal-performing paranormal phenomenon, You’re fully dressed when I enter the room— Then suddenly your trousers are gone. Waistband-warping, garment-ganking, gravity-defying goblin, Solving problems that were never technically a problem. No permission, admission, submission, justification, I redistribute the distribution of your lower-body civilization. Pajama to khaki, cargo to slacks, Calculate trajectories, relocate the stacks. You’re asking what happened while I’m counting my collection— “That’s pair number seven hundred and six.” Colossal wardrobe, mathematically questionable, Mountain of trousers growing completely unmanageable. Seated like a denim deity, ruling my treasury, A dragon with pants instead of gold in my hoard’s periphery. So if you wake up and your pants have departed, Don’t panic, don’t cry, don’t assume you’ve been targeted. There’s only one answer, and frankly it’s factual: Your pants have been selected… For the Marble Acquisition. [Bridge — Epic choir] [Choir] Who gathers the denim? [LostMarbles] I do. [Choir] Who commands the trousers? [LostMarbles] I do. [Choir] Who sits upon the sacred mountain? [LostMarbles] …You already know. [Beat builds] [LostMarbles] THE HOARD MUST GROW! [Final Hook — Pants Dragon] Sneak, sneak, hear that magical sound, Another pair just vanished from the ground. Left leg, right leg, disappearing on command, Keep your shirt— I WANT THE PANTS IN MY HAND. Denim on the ceiling, cargos by the door, Somebody’s pajamas underneath the floor. There’s a throne made of trousers and a mountain to protect, And every pair that disappears… Gets added to the collection. [Outro — Quiet footsteps] [Voice] Marbles? [LostMarbles] Yeah? [Voice] Why are there pants on the roof? [Pause] [LostMarbles] Structural support. [Voice] That’s my pants! [LostMarbles — Whispered] Not anymore. [Magical poof] [Voice] MARBLES! [LostMarbles — Distant laughter]
