(Verse 1) Back in two thousand and fourteen, I was only six years old, Sucking on my thumb, doing exactly what I was told. It was the first of September, the sky was bright and blue, But I was shaking in my tiny little light-up shoes. I gripped my mommy’s leg like a terrified baboon, Staring at the school like it was the gates of doom! I cried, "The teacher is a monster! The desk will eat my hand! Please don’t leave me trapped in this educational wasteland!" (Chorus) Oh, September the first, the horror and the dread! Pull the heavy blankets right back over my head! The backpacks are heavy, the pencils are sharp, I’m too young for this, let me play in the park! Mommy, save me! Take me home, please do! I’m too scared for school, and I hate ninety-two! (Verse 2) Flash forward through the years, I survived the scary place, Got my college degree with a smile on my face. I studied hard for years, thought I was tough and cool, And now I got a job... right back in that school! The clock is ticking down, the summer's at an end, And suddenly I realize I have no one to defend me. I’m looking in the mirror, putting on my blazer, My anxiety is sharper than a brand-new razor! (Chorus) Oh, September the first, the horror and the dread! Pull the heavy blankets right back over my head! The backpacks are heavy, the pencils are sharp, I’m too old for this, let me drink in the dark! Mommy, save me! Tell me what to do! I’m the teacher now, and I’m still scared of ninety-two! (Bridge) The children are coming, a thirty-headed beast, They will smell my fear and turn me into a feast! What if they ask a question and I completely blank? What if they put a giant plastic spider on my desk as a prank? They are small, they are fast, they have sticky little thumbs, I am the adult here... so why am I sucking my thumbs?! (Verse 3) I’m hiding in the staff room, locked inside the stall, Staring at the alphabet poster on the wall. A little six-year-old walks in, crying to her mom, And I’m right next to her, losing all my calm! She looks up at me, sobbing through her tears, "Are you scared of school too?" validation of my fears! I say, "Kid, listen close, let me tell you what is true... You’re only here till three, but I am stuck here too!" (Outro) Happy first of September! Please remember my name... If I don’t make it out... Tell my cat I wasn't to blame! Good morning, class! Gulp. Don't eat me!
