The table was loud, and I said something small A detail that didn’t matter. It was nothing at all. A bit of knowledge I happened to know. Someone disagreed. And I let it go, Because that’s what you do When you don’t want to ruin a good night. When you don't want to start a fight. I laughed it off, And so did they. The night moved on without me. Not that I wasn’t still there… But my mind didn’t move on. It stayed there, circling that one point, Spinning circles in the same air, Asking, Was I wrong all along? And why do I care? I wanted to be. I wanted to find out later that I was mistaken, Because then it would be over. I could apologize to myself in silence, Forgive myself in private, And sleep. Instead, I looked it up. I was right. And that’s worse. Because truth doesn’t make me feel smart It just makes me feel alone. I made myself feel alone. I hate that part of me, The part that can’t leave a thread unpulled, That trades peace for proof, That turns imagination Into a test I didn’t want to take. They’ll not remember the disagreement at all. I’ll remember A quiet moment Where I swallowed a sentence And spent the rest of the night Trying to earn my own forgiveness For knowing. Knowing something so meaningless I could not let go... I wish that I could let it go.... They don't even know That I couldn't let it go In my own mind. I ruined the night. In my own mind.
