[Spooky Intro] [Clock ticking] [Wind outside] [Phone vibrates] BZZZT… Rick opened his eyes 2:13 A.M. [Phone notification] DING! Rick whispered… “I didn't send anything…” [Ghostly Voice] Yesssss you didddd… [Rick] “OH FUQ NO.” [Verse 1] Rick grabbed his phone Pulled the blankets up tight Something in his wallet Was moving all night Five bucks disappeared Then twenty went too Rick yelled at the darkness “WHO THE FUQ ARE YOU?!” The screen started flickering Cold filled the room A transaction appeared From beyond the crypto tomb No name No picture Just a contract in white Then the wallet whispered softly… “SIGN…” [Rick] “HELL NO!” [Chorus] IT'S THE HAUNTED WALLET! Something's on the chain! Every time Rick checks it Something disappears again! THE HAUNTED WALLET! Better lock that sucker tight! 'Cause the ghosts of Web3 Are coming out tonight! DON'T SIGN! DON'T CLICK! DON'T ANSWER THAT DM! If a ghost says “CONNECT WALLET” DON'T FUQn TRUST HIM! [Verse 2] Rick ran downstairs With his phone in his hand Lord KEK was sitting there Like he already had a plan Rick yelled “KEK! My wallet's possessed!” KEK looked at the transactions Then looked unimpressed [Lord KEK] “Did you click anything?” [Rick] “…no.” [Lord KEK] “Rick.” [Rick] “Okay, maybe one thing.” [Lord KEK] “What?” [Rick] “It said FREE AIRDROP.” [Silence] [Lord KEK] “You dumb FUQ.” [Organ Sting] DUN-DUN-DUUUN! [Verse 3] Then the lights went out The computer came alive Seven phantom browser tabs Opened up at the same time One said “CLAIM!” One said “FREE!” One said “CONNECT HERE!” Rick reached for the mouse KEK screamed “DON'T YOU FUQn DARE!” Then a ghost popped up Wearing sunglasses and chains Said “Hello sir I'm support Let me help with your claims” Rick said “Wow! Customer service!” KEK slapped the phone away “THAT GHOST HAS THREE FOLLOWERS AND HIS ACCOUNT WAS MADE TODAY!” [Chorus] IT'S THE HAUNTED WALLET! Something's on the chain! Every time Rick checks it Something disappears again! THE HAUNTED WALLET! Better lock that sucker tight! 'Cause the ghosts of Web3 Are coming out tonight! DON'T SIGN! DON'T CLICK! DON'T ANSWER THAT DM! And if they ask your seed phrase… BLOCK THEIR GHOSTLY ASS AGAIN! [Spooky Instrumental] [Theremin] [Chains rattling] [Keyboard typing by itself] [Ghostly whispers] Seed phrase… Seed phrase… Give us your seed phrase… [Rick] “Sure, it's—” [Lord KEK] “RICK!” [Record scratch] [Rick] “…I was kidding.” [Lord KEK] “No you weren't.” [Rick] “…no I wasn't.” [Bridge] Then Zelda stared At the hallway wall Link puffed his tail Something started to crawl Across Rick's monitor Letters appeared SEND… YOUR… CRYPTO… HERE… Rick screamed “KEK! THE GHOST WANTS MY COINS!” KEK yelled “THAT AIN'T A GHOST! THAT'S A SCAMMER WITH A VPN!” [Breakdown] WHO SENT THE DM?! GHOST! WHO DROPPED THE LINK?! GHOST! WHO WANTS THE SEED?! GHOST! WHO'S CLICKING SHIT?! [Everybody] RICK! [Rick] “Why's it always me?!” [Everybody] BECAUSE YOU KEEP CLICKING IT! [Final Chorus] IT'S THE HAUNTED WALLET! Halloween on-chain! Scammers in the shadows Trying every trick again! THE HAUNTED WALLET! But Rick learned something tonight! Check the link Check the contract Before you FUQn sign! DON'T SIGN! DON'T CLICK! VERIFY THAT SHIT! A FREE AIRDROP AIN'T FREE IF YOUR WHOLE WALLET GETS HIT! THE HAUNTED WALLET! Now the ghosts have gone away… Rick finally learned his lesson At least… Until today [Outro] [Morning birds] Rick sat down Made some coffee Opened X… [Notification] DING! “Congratulations! You've been selected for an exclusive crypto giveaway.” [Long silence] Lord KEK slowly looked at Rick Rick slowly looked at Lord KEK [Rick] “…exclusive?” [Lord KEK] “Don't.” [Rick] “But—” [Lord KEK] “RICK.” [Rick] “…fine.” [Pause] DING! [Lord KEK] “Did you click it?” [Rick] “RUN!” [Thunder] [Maniacal laughter] TO BE CONTINUED…
