[Intro] Ladies and gentlemen... Clear the bathrooms. Too late. [Verse 1] Batman, Hulk and Spidey — your time is done! Your era has expired, a wet age has begun! Superman, take the loofah along! Tell the Punisher to drain the tub and move on! Thor threw his hammer straight down the drain, Iron Man's rubber ducky went insane! The Avengers tried to swim, but they didn't stand a chance — Then Captain Birdbath entered... And filled the pants! [Pre-Chorus] Who do you call? Captain Birdbath... Who brings the foam? Captain Birdbath... How much water do we need? Sixty-six thousand— LITERS?! NO! What do we use today? BUBBLES! [Chorus] Captain Birdbath... When you call, he'll be there! Captain Birdbath... Splashing thunder through the air! Captain Birdbath... Sixty-six thousand soap! Captain Birdbath... There is no escape or hope! Captain Birdbath... One man, one rubber duck! Captain Birdbath... Making all the tiles suck! Captain Birdbath... Zero tolerance, no dry skin! Captain Birdbath... Let the water battle begin! [Verse 2] How often have you wondered today Why your bathroom sounds like a tidal wave? You hear dripping faucets and feel the hate, Just call Captain Birdbath — he's never too late! You turn on the tap, the tsunami kicks in, Your rubber duck quacks but the foam must win! The tiles start cracking, the mirrors steam, Three shower curtains rip at the seam! From dripping faucets to bath-time rhyme, He floods every country one at a time! [Break] Captain... Birdbath... Captain... Birdbath... Captain... BATHHTAAAAAAB! [Chorus] Captain Birdbath... His name is his plan! Wetter than JCVD, man! No towels, no escape! Your bathrobe sealed its fate! He doesn't need a boat! Just a rubber duck to float! When the other heroes fail— Captain Birdbath! Drowns them in a plastic pail! [Bridge] They tried to dry him... They tried to drain him... They tried turning off the water... He turned it on high. The plumbers measured the pressure. The pipes exploded. The plumbers exploded. The bathtub... also exploded. QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! [Build-Up] What is too wet? Not Captain Birdbath! What is too deep? Not Captain Birdbath! What is the drain? There is no drain! What about your hair? It's permanently wet! [Chorus] Captain Birdbath... When you call, he'll be there! Captain Birdbath... Splashing thunder through the air! Captain Birdbath... Sixty-six thousand soap! Captain Birdbath... Now measured in tidal waves! Captain Birdbath... One man, one rubber duck! Captain Birdbath... Making all the tiles suck! Captain Birdbath... Zero tolerance, no dry skin! Captain Birdbath... Let the water battle begin! [Break] Is it wet enough? No... Wet enough? No... Wet enough? NOOOOO! [Outro] Captain Birdbath.
