[Intro – ominous guitar feedback, pounding drums building into a fast dirty punk riff] [Verse 1 – rapid female punk vocal] Half past one, three pints deep, Need the fucking toilet before I fucking leave. Past the bar, down the hall, Two black doors and no sign at all. Left one's locked. Right one's free. Push it open— [Brief stop] That's not where the toilets should be. Long white corridor. Buzzing overhead. Door clicks shut behind my fucking head. Turn back round, grab the handle— Locked. [Female vocal] Oh, brilliant. [Band slams harder] [Verse continues – faster] Knock twice! Kick once! Nobody comes! Music from the pub still shaking through the walls. Fine. There'll be another way. Walk twenty metres. Door marked: EXIT. [Pause] [Female vocal] Thank fuck for that. Open it— [Hard instrumental hit] My old fucking school. [Pre-Chorus – aggressive build] No. Close it. Try again. Still there. Empty corridor. Lockers. Half past ten. Clock on the wall hasn't moved since— [Female vocal – unsettled] Wait. I remember this place. [Shouted] NOPE! WRONG FUCKING DOOR! [Chorus – huge aggressive scream-sung punk] WRONG DOOR! LET ME THE FUCK BACK OUT! WRONG DOOR! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT?! I WANTED THE TOILET! THAT'S ALL I FUCKING CAME FOR! [Harsh scream] OPEN! THE! FUCKING! DOOR! [Fast abrasive guitar riff] [Verse 2 – dense rapid-fire punk vocal] Back to the hallway. Different now. Wallpaper green. Don't ask me how. Door number one: My childhood street. Middle of summer. Nobody speaks. Every house open. Every car gone. Sun in the sky but the shadows are wrong. Close that bastard. Next one. Supermarket aisle with the lights half on. Trolleys abandoned. Freezers still humming. Something at the far end looks like it's fucking coming— [Female shout] NOPE! SLAM! NEXT! My bedroom. Except— someone's sleeping where I fucking sleep. Can't see her face. Don't fucking need to. [Harsh shout] SHUT THAT ONE TOO! [Fast Shout-Rap] DOOR AFTER DOOR! HALL AFTER HALL! NONE OF THIS SHIT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE AT ALL! STAIRS GO UP! COME BACK DOWN! WINDOW SHOWS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FUCKING TOWN! RED DOOR! BLUE DOOR! ONE WITH NO FRAME! ONE OPENS UP AND SOME FUCKER SAYS MY NAME! [Hard stop] [Female vocal – alarmed] Nope. Didn't like that. [Band explodes] [Chorus – heavier] WRONG DOOR! LET ME THE FUCK BACK OUT! WRONG DOOR! I'M FUCKING DONE WITH THIS NOW! I WANTED THE TOILET! MAYBE WASH MY FUCKING HANDS! [Growled scream] I DIDN'T ASK FOR FUCKING WONDERLAND! [Instrumental Break – frantic punk drums, dissonant guitar, filthy bass] [Bridge – slow oppressive half-time riff] [Female vocal – low, tense] Then there's one door. Same black paint. Same brass handle. Same little scratch beside the frame. The pub. I can hear it. Glasses. Music. Someone laughing. [Pause] Finally. [Female vocal] Open the fucking— [Door opens into silence] [Long instrumental pause] [Female vocal – quietly] Oh. You've got to be fucking kidding me. [Low guitar pulse] Same pub. Same tables. Same glasses. Same song playing from the speakers. But nobody's here. [Pause] My coat's still on the chair. My drink's still on the table. And behind the bar— [Female vocal – strained] I'm standing there. Looking back at me. [Sudden full-band impact] [Growl-Rap – vicious and increasingly frantic] NO! NOPE! FUCK THIS PLACE! FUCK THIS HALL! FUCK EVERY FUCKING DOOR AND FUCK THE FUCKING WALLS! I'M DONE BEING CONFUSED! I'M DONE BEING SCARED! WHATEVER FUCKING WANTS ME HERE— [Harsh growl] I DON'T FUCKING CARE! YOU WANT WEIRD?! I'VE HAD WEIRD! YOU WANT FEAR?! GET IN FUCKING LINE! I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW AND IT'S NEARLY FUCKING TWO! [Brief stop] [Female vocal – furious] LET. ME. OUT. [Breakdown – crushing hardcore punk riff] [Final Verse – relentless shout-rap] KICK ONE! KICK TWO! THIRD ONE SPLITS! WOOD HITS THE FLOOR AND THE WHOLE PLACE FUCKING SHIFTS! LIGHTS GO RED! WALLS GO BLACK! SOMETHING DOWN THE HALL STARTS FUCKING COMING BACK! RUN! LEFT! RIGHT! DON'T FUCKING THINK! FOLLOW THE SOUND OF GLASSES AND DRINK! ONE LAST DOOR! HANDLE! PULL! [Hard stop] [Female vocal – breathless] Pub. People. Noise. [Long pause] Bartender looks at me. “You alright?” [Female vocal – exhausted] Where's the toilet? [Pause] He points behind her. [Female vocal] Right. [Pause] Cheers. [Final Chorus – explosive, triumphant hardcore punk] WRONG DOOR! I FOUND MY FUCKING WAY OUT! WRONG DOOR! DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT NOW! I WANTED THE TOILET! I GOT WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT WAS! [Harsh scream] NEXT TIME PUT A FUCKING SIGN UP! [Final riff] [Female vocal – breathless] How long was I gone? [Pause] “About thirty seconds.” [Long pause] [Female vocal] Fuck off. [Final hit]
