Ashes in My Right Hand

[VERSE 1] I fall weightless, room bends out of frame, stretches, spins, then folds around my name. Drug rush? Nah, I don’t think that’s the case, they said we’re all connected, I just never saw the shape. If we’re tied together, tell me why we choose the ones who tear us open just to watch us bruise. Why do we fall for people who hollow out the shell, then leave us on the floor with nothing left to tell? I lose control, fifteen voices in my head, each one more hateful than the last thing that was said. Pain turns into love, then love turns obsession, obsession into pressure, pressure into depression. Then nothing. Half a second, every feeling takes a turn, switches seats, changes names, watches everything burn. Damn, when do these voices finally quiet down? Stop telling me I’ll find the thread. I burned it against the gods. [HOOK – SUNG] Order screams straight into my face, chaos stares me down in endless silence. Emptiness embraces me and pulls me into nothing, followed by unlived passion. [VERSE 2] I took our thread and laid it in the flame, “Burn, burn,” one voice sings, calling out my name. Another screams, “If nobody sees you, make it big,” turn pain into spectacle, make sure they witness it. The feelings pass straight through me, nothing wants to stay, ashes of the thread still resting in my right hand anyway. You crown yourselves my gods, now I should kneel? Please. I resign. That worship never made me heal. Your will becomes command, my silence pays the fee, your wounds become my duty while mine drown underneath. I’m good while I’m useful, good while I adore, good while every insult gets another open door. Good while I bend. Good while I agree. Good while your boundaries matter more than me. You hand me little favors, call the balance fair, then take it personal the second you’re not standing there. Threads burned down, ash carried through the drought, pain sits beside me while the rest gets filtered out. This time I choose it. This time it is mine. Nobody gets to hurt me and still call it divine. [HOOK – SUNG] Order screams straight into my face, chaos stares me down in endless silence. Emptiness embraces me and pulls me into nothing, followed by unlived passion. [VERSE 3] They told me order always needs some chaos near, some fragile thread to keep the edges clear. Funny thing is, I destroy my own the best, give me something sacred, I’ll still put it to the test. I give you everything I have, beats, pages, home, clothes off my back just to feel less alone. All I ever wanted was one second where I knew I was finally enough without performing it for you. Last thread in my hand, I don’t wanna let it go, it doesn’t keep me distant, still I tighten every knot. Can’t keep punishing myself with what was meant to bind, so let it burn. Maybe water waits on the other side. Every thread is gone now. Monster in the dark. No light left because I chose to kill the spark. Isolation wins, no room left for two, pull me under, let me go, I know what I chose to do. No one will be there. My fault. I carry that alone. Threw everything in fire, walked the whole way to the shore. Went down to the water, finally knew what I’d become: the piece nobody wanted, the one they leave undone. Still we do not mourn it. We keep moving through the blue, keep sinking past the silence till there’s nothing left to lose. Till we reach the bottom. Till the air is gone. And somehow the voices still go on. [FINAL HOOK – SUNG] Order screams straight into my face, chaos stares me down in endless silence. Emptiness embraces me and pulls me into nothing, followed by unlived passion.