I FUCKED YOUR DAD

[Intro] Oh, you’re gonna hate this story I turned your little tragedy into glory [Verse 1] You fucked my best friend in our bed Said she gave better head Left your phone unlocked like a fucking clown Watched your texts and my whole world burned down Saw your dad by the frozen foods aisle He said, “How you holding up? It’s been a while” He bought me coffee, asked, “So what’d you do?” I said, “Nothing, but your son sure did, let me walk you through” Told him everything, every dirty quote Every lie you ever shoved down my throat He sighed, “My kid’s an asshole, I’m not surprised” I smiled, “I know a way that we can equalize” [Pre-Chorus] You wanted to humiliate me Tear me apart, make me crawl You lit the match so gently But I’m the fucking fire that burned it all [SFX: record scratch] [Chorus] I fucked your dad I fucked your dad And he was better than you (Background echo: “I fucked your dad”) Yeah, I fucked your dad I fucked your dad He knew exactly what to do (Soft echo: “better than you, better than you”) I fucked your dad (He called me by your name, I let him anyway) I fucked your dad (And now you’re gonna see this scene every single day) [Post-Chorus] I fucked your dad, your dad, your dad Better than you, than you, than you I fucked your dad, your dad, your dad Now what the fuck you gonna do, gonna do, gonna do? [Verse 2] Yeah, it was your childhood bed, if you’re wondering where Same posters on the walls, dead-eyed teddy bear He’s got your eyes but he actually cares Held me when I cried, ran his fingers through my hair He asked, “Is this wrong?” I said, “Probably” Then he kissed me slow, said, “Thanks for being honest with me” The apple didn’t fall far from the tree at all You just rotted on the branch, he grew up and stood tall I took pictures, but I’ll never show Just knowing that they’re real is enough to let you know [SFX: camera shutter] That I could ruin Christmas with a single click [SFX: notification ping] But I don’t have to — your brain will do the damage, you sick prick [Pre-Chorus] You wanted to destroy me Make me feel worthless, small But baby, I win I fucking took it all [Chorus] I fucked your dad I fucked your dad And he was better than you (Whispered echo: “I fucked your dad”) Yeah, I fucked your dad I fucked your dad He’s got your hands but knows how to use them too (Background echo: “same DNA, different dude”) I fucked your dad (Same genetics, different man) I fucked your dad (Turns out I like the prototype better than the knockoff brand) [Bridge – mostly acoustic] Every Thanksgiving, you’ll taste me in the air See him carve the turkey, know that I was there Every Father’s Day, when you fake that call Your throat will close up, you’ll remember it all I’m the ghost at every table I’m the story you can’t tell I’m the reason family dinners Feel like freshly catered hell Your mom will ask why you’re crying in the yard You’ll say it’s just the weather, but the truth hits hard I’m the glitch in your bloodline, the laugh in your shame Every time you hear “Dad,” you’ll hear my name [Build: add claps, toms, then full band] [Final Chorus] I fucked your dad I fucked your dad And I’d do it again (Ad-lib: “again, again, again”) Yeah, I fucked your dad I fucked your dad You made an enemy out of your best friend (Ad-lib: “that’s on you, that’s on you”) I fucked your dad (And he asked for my number) I fucked your dad (Guess revenge isn’t served cold, it’s served to your father) [Final Post-Chorus] I fucked your dad, your dad, your dad Better than you, than you, than you I fucked your dad, your dad, your dad Now what the fuck you gonna do, gonna do, gonna do? [Outro – a cappella, big reverb] You’ll see him every holiday And think of me You’re welcome