[Opening: ominous piano, vinyl crackle, sinister low bass] [Spoken Male Voice] They told me I need to clean up my language. So I did. Phonetically. [Beat drops] [Verse 1] Walked in mad like, “What the fu—” FUNCTION! That’s what I asked the printer for, why you looking so surprised? Hit my toe and yelled, “Oh shi—” SHITTIM WOOD! That’s acacia in the Bible. Check the book before you judge. Some dude cut me off, I said, “You ass—” ASTEROID! Man was driving like he learned to steer on Mars. Boss called late, I said, “You son of a bi—” BISCUIT! Breakfast in the office. Now we’re raising up the bars. [Hook] You thought I said it! No I didn’t! Your dirty little mind went and filled it in! I started that sound, then I swerved real quick— Same dark beat, but the vocabulary’s clean! [Beat break] [Verse 2] Stubbed my thumb, almost yelled, “Mother fu—” MOTHER FUNCTION! Spreadsheet terminology. Please control your assumptions. Called my neighbor a “cock—” COCKATIEL! Bright little bird with an attitude too. Nearly called somebody “dic—” DICTIONARY! Open one sometime. Vocabulary’s good for you. Got annoyed and started, “dam—” DAMSEL! Fairytale emergency. I was talking rescue. [Hook] You thought I said it! No I didn’t! Your imagination committed the sin! I leave that silence right before the switch— You supplied the dirty word. I supplied the punchline. [Verse 3: faster flow] What the hel— HELMET! Pis— PISTON! Cun— COUNTRY! Pri— PRICKLE! Bas— BASTION! Slu— SLUMBER! Hor— HORMONE! Dumb— DUMBBELL! [Beat stops] [Spoken Male Voice] Don’t read the spelling. Listen to the sound. [Pause] That’s where I got you. [Beat returns] [Verse 4] Walked downstairs, saw the bill, said, “Oh fu—” FUNCTION! Apparently the thermostat has seventeen buttons. Dude got loud, I said, “Shut your ass—” ASTERISK! I was correcting punctuation. Y’all need better hobbies. Someone yelled, “This is bull sh—” BULL SHARK! Big fish, bad mood, surprisingly good branding. Nearly said, “You dumb—” DUMBBELL! Gym membership paid. Might as well start training. [Bridge: sinister choir] [Whispered Choir] Say it… Say it… Say the word… [Male Lead] No. [Choir] Come on… [Male Lead] You want profanity? [Pause] You’re getting nouns. [Choir] Say it! [Male Lead] Fine. [Beat cuts] [Male Lead] PIS— [Choir gasps] [Male Lead] PISTON. [Beat explodes] [Final Verse: rapid-fire fake-outs] Fu— FUNCTION! Shi— SHITTIM! Ass— ASTEROID! Bit— BITRATE! Dic— DICTIONARY! Cock— COCKATIEL! Dam— DAMSEL! Hel— HELMET! Pis— PISTON! Cun— COUNTRY! Pri— PRICKLE! Bas— BASTION! Slu— SLUMBER! Hor— HORMONE! [Full Ensemble] YOU THOUGHT! YOU KNEW! WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY! BUT I HIT THE LAST SYLLABLE AND SWERVED THE OTHER WAY! [Final Hook] Watch your mouth! Better yet— Watch your brain! Half these dirty words you supplied yourself today! I gave you half a sound, you completed the crime— I’ve been clean this whole— [Long pause] TIME! [Huge bass hit] [Spoken Male Voice] Disappointed? [Pause] That sounds like a you problem. [Outro: sinister laughter, then polite elevator chime]
0/500