[Verse 1] I saw her in the village, her braids like flowing streams, Her armor gleamed in moonlight—the Valkyrie of my dreams. I mustered up my courage, my voice a hearty yell, But when I said, “My shield-maiden!” she told me, “Go to Hel.” [Chorus] Oh, perhaps in Valhalla, we’ll share a mead or two, But here in Midgard, darling, I’m not the one for you. Your beard is patchy, your sword’s a bit dull, So fight your battles solo, you clueless gull! [Verse 2] I offered her my longship, my treasure from the raid, I even wrote a saga of the love we could’ve made. But she just shook her helmet, her laugh a thunderous roar, She said, “Your ship’s too tiny, and your poetry’s a bore.” [Chorus [Key Change for Melodramatic Viking Despair] Oh, perhaps in Valhalla, where warriors find their bliss, You’ll get your long-awaited shield-maiden’s kiss. But for now, brave Viking, you’ve got no appeal, Your saga ends here—Valhalla’s not a done deal! [Outro (Spoken, with somber Viking chanting)] [female voice]: “Goodbye, warrior. Perhaps… in another life.” [male voice (dejected)]: “So… you’re saying there’s a chance?” [female voice] : “…No.”
