I used to have opinions about things that didn't matter much Used to stay up arguing, used to need to say enough Used to laugh too loud in restaurants, used to take the long way home Used to be the kind of person who was never really alone Not lonely-alone, I mean alone-alone, the chosen kind of quiet Used to crave the empty Sunday, used to love the riot Of my own thoughts, used to trust them, used to let them lead somewhere Now I can't remember the last time I had a thought that was just mine to wear She didn't leave all at once That's the thing nobody tells you She just kept lending pieces out Until there wasn't enough left to feel you To feel yourself I used to know her, used to know her name Knew what made her restless, knew what kept her sane Knew the things she'd die for, knew the lines she'd never cross I used to know her God I didn't know what I had 'til she got lost 'Til she got lost She had a playlist for every kind of mood she'd ever been in Had a way of walking into rooms like she deserved the oxygen Had opinions on the window seat, had a signature drink Had a journal full of half-thoughts she was never scared to think Somewhere between the calendar and all the years of making do Between the roles that fit so tight she forgot they weren't tattoos She got quiet, got efficient, got real good at cutting loss Got so good at disappearing she forgot to count the cost She didn't leave all at once Just kept answering when they called her Kept showing up for everyone Until everyone was all she was All she was I used to know her, used to know her name Knew what made her restless, knew what kept her sane Knew the things she'd die for, knew the lines she'd never cross I used to know her God I didn't know what I had 'til she got lost 'Til she got lost I've been looking in the margins In the hours before anyone needs me In the music I stopped listening to In the mirror when nobody can see me And sometimes for a second Something flickers, something moves Some old frequency still breathing Underneath all the used-to's And I think Maybe she's not gone Maybe she's just waiting For me to remember I'm allowed to want her back I used to know her I'm trying I'm trying to know her again
