“Can You Not Raise That?” [Verse 1] We hired a mage, thought we’d be safe Turns out he’s friends with every corpse in the place Said “Trust me, guys,” snapped fingers twice Now grandma’s skeleton is giving us advice The cleric’s sweating, holy book shaking Paladin’s praying, reconsidering faith The rogue’s hiding loot inside a skull And I swear that zombie’s staring at me… real full [Pre-Chorus] We said “Use magic” We meant something clean Not “Oops, the dead are unionized on our team” [Chorus] Can you NOT raise that? Please let it rest Why is that corpse wearing my spare vest? You said “It’s fine,” but it’s screaming again That’s my uncle, man—this feels personal, friend We fight dragons, demons, gods instead But the real fear’s when you raise the dead [Verse 2] The dungeon’s cleared but the smell remains Half the party’s gagging, half gone insane Your skeleton archers keep hitting walls And Steve the zombie just tripped and fell… again You say “They’re efficient,” we say “They leak” One lost his arm and won’t stop pointing at me We tried being subtle, quiet, and brave Then you rang the bell and woke the entire grave [Pre-Chorus] The bard won’t sing The wizard’s mad The fighter’s yelling “WHY IS IT TALKING BACK?!” [Chorus] Can you NOT raise that? We’re begging you, please That skull just winked and called me “king” You don’t need minions for every fight We could’ve just snuck past quietly tonight We’d take curses, traps, or undead dread— Just stop recruiting the already dead [Bridge] Yeah, they help Yeah, they tank But one just exploded And thanked us politely before it sank The dragon fled We should feel proud But we’re knee-deep in bones and emotionally scarred now [Final Chorus] Can you NOT raise that? Just once or twice Not every corpse with a tragic backstory and lice We love you, man, but boundaries exist Some things shouldn’t walk or wave or hiss When we’re legends sung by bards ahead— They’ll skip the part where you raised the dead [Outro] (quietly) …Is that one following us again? Necromancer: “Yeah. He likes you.”
