[Stream title: "WATCHING THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO - Political Thriller Night!!!"] Okay okay okay chat, we're— hold up, let me just... [adjusting headset] ...we're diving into this political thriller everyone's been talking about. The Lamb Was Sure to Go. I heard it's like, it's giving All the President's Men vibes? But modern? I don't know, I haven't seen it yet so no spoilers you absolute demons. [Movie starts] Oh shit, production value is insane. That's— wait is that the West Wing set? No way they got... oh it's just similar. Smart. Smart smart smart. Okay so this Arthur guy is the lamb, right? Like sacrificial lamb? That's pretty on the nose but I'm here for it. Dude this President though, she's— okay she's giving me like Obama-era hopey changey energy but like... female? Is that— ChatGPT427 stop being weird about the female president thing, it's 2024, touch grass. [30 minutes in] BRO. BROOOO. This surveillance shit is literally just... this is literally just PRISM. This is Snowden. They're not even being subtle about it. Wait wait wait... [pauses movie] ...okay when I was doing that Disney Channel thing, right? We had this handler, not like a creepy way but like someone who managed us kids, and they would always say "just follow my lead" and we'd be like little ducks in a row and— OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT THE TITLE MEANS? Like Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb... everywhere that Mary went the lamb was... wait no, that's stupid. That's too literal. I'm overthinking it. NoScopePoet in chat saying "you're so close bestie" — close to WHAT? Just tell me! [Resumes movie] This is fucked. This is so fucked. They're really going there with the whole like... American empire just eating its own children thing. Arthur's whole life is just— he thinks he's doing the right thing but he's just another cog in the... wait why does she keep calling him "my lamb"? That's weird. That's a weird— [The Oval Office revelation scene] YOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUUUUCK. She's the bad guy! She's been the— but he trusted her! He— this is about Biden isn't it? This is about how liberals will literally sacrifice anyone to maintain the imperial— hold up hold up hold up... [Reading chat] KremlinBot69 says "it's not about him being sacrificed you theater kid dropout, think about the title again" Okay first of all, I CHOSE to leave the industry, it didn't leave me, and second— what do you mean think about the title... The lamb was sure to... to go... Mary had a little lamb and everywhere that Mary went... [Long pause] No. No no no no no. The lamb was sure to go... because... because Mary WENT there? The lamb didn't choose to— OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH MY GOD CHAT. CHAT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS? [Stands up, headset wire goes taut] THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE LAMB DOES! The lamb FOLLOWS Mary! It's not about sacrifice, it's about CONTROL! He never had a choice! He was always going to— wherever she went, whatever she did, he was SURE TO GO because that's what lambs DO! This whole movie— this WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE is about how America grooms its own opposition! Like how the CIA funded abstract art to combat Soviet realism but on a PERSONAL level! She's not corrupt, she's THE SYSTEM ITSELF! [Sitting back down, mind blown] Chat, I need to— when I was a kid on set, they used to give us these little rewards for hitting our marks, right? And you think you're making choices but you're just... you're following the treats... you're following Mary... This is the most anti-imperialist shit I've ever seen in a mainstream— wait is this mainstream? Who funded this? Disney? No fucking way Disney funded— ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A24? Of course it's fucking A24. [Continuing to watch] Every scene hits different now. Every SINGLE scene. When he's like "I have to do the right thing" that's not character development, that's PROGRAMMING. When he gets that scholarship to Georgetown... when he gets the White House job... when he "accidentally" finds the file... BongRipper420 in chat saying "wait til you see the prequel" — THERE'S A PREQUEL? [Movie ends] I can't. I literally cannot. This movie just said "American democracy is a puppet show and the puppets don't even know they have strings" and wrapped it in a thriller so normies would watch it. When I was doing that sitcom, they made us do these "behind the scenes" segments where we'd talk about how much creative input we had, how collaborative it was... but the scripts were already written, the reactions were already directed, we were just... following Mary. We were all following Mary. This fucking movie, chat. This fucking movie just deconstructed the entire American political theater in two hours and I thought it was about a WHISTLEBLOWER.
