Monday morning Coffee in my hand Nothing on the calendar I couldn’t understand Then came a ping "Hey Claude..." I smiled like normal Then I read the screen "Can you fix this Source Code?" Convert it to a JavaBean I blinked at my coffee Thinking, "This is wild" I process vacation forms Not your Java file Carol from Finance Sent a fifty-page pile "Summarize this by noon In your usual style" I typed, "Wrong Claude" Then counted to ten Two little dots appeared And they tagged me again Notifications buzzing Won't leave me alone Every time they tag me I let out a groan Wrong Claude Wrong Claude I'm not who you're looking for Wrong Claude Wrong Claude Please stop knocking on my door I don't know Python I don't write code I barely know where The printer toner goes Wrong Claude Wrong Claude I'm just trying to eat my lunch Dave from Legal Said, "Keep it brief" I pasted Response Twelve "Wrong Claude... good grief" "Could you clean this JSON?" "Could you draft a new plan?" "Could you tell us why Jenkins Won't deploy again?" Somebody answered "Perfect, thanks Claude!" Now I'm in the stand-up Helping build the roadmap I changed my profile To a stop sign by noon But they still kept tagging "Claude, can you join Zoom?" Notifications buzzing Won't leave me alone Every time they tag me I let out a groan Wrong Claude Wrong Claude I'm not who you're looking for Wrong Claude Wrong Claude Please stop knocking on my door I don't know Python I don't write code I barely know where The printer toner goes Wrong Claude Wrong Claude I'm just trying to eat my lunch By Thursday morning I knew too much RegEx, pull requests And AI stuff I learned what a token was Against my will Now I say, "It depends" And the room goes still Somebody asked me To explain recursion I took a deep breath And gave the human version "If you keep asking me To be the machine I'll end up in your workflow Somewhere in between" @Claude, can you fix this? Wrong Claude. @Claude, summarize the thread. Wrong Claude. @Claude, what's wrong with production? Buddy... Everything. Wrong Claude Wrong Claude Different neural net Wrong Claude Wrong Claude Mine runs mostly on regret I don't know Docker I don't know Rust But I do appreciate All the trust I'm just a guy With a meeting at one Wrong Claude Wrong Claude Please tag the other one Typing... Typing... Typing... I sigh... "I can try."
