[Spoken, male announcer, sales pitch quality] Are you staring at a screen right now? Is your thumb sore from scrolling? Is your social battery at negative four percent? Well Listen up, you indoor-dwelling disaster! ♪ It’s the organic cure for the digital mass Just a little pinch of... Pocket Grass! ♪ That's right. POCKET GRASS! ♪ Reach in your pocket—And Touch Some Grass! Anytime! ♪ No great outdoors required* ♪ Touch some grass! ♪ ♪ Don't panic. Don't spiral. Don't let the brain-rot go viral! ♪ ♪ Just gotta touch some grass! ♪ Don't have a lawn? Don't have a yard? Staying sane in the city is just too hard? It’s a dehydrated slice of the Great Outdoors Conveniently stored in your cargo shorts! Available in 'Kentucky Blue' and 'Tropical Bermuda' scents. ♪ Wowee! ♪ When the world is a mess or the signal is ass Reach in your pocket—And Touch Some Grass! ♪ Touch it! ♪ Yeah, just touch it! Touch it! Squeeze it! ♪ POCKET GRASS! ♪ [Becomes "dreamy" and psychedelic] Close your eyes... Imagine the dew... The smell of a meadow... Coming straight to you... ♪ In case of emergency, touch grass. ♪ [Back to normal] *Please note: PocketGrass™ is not a replacement for actual sunlight. Side effects may include sudden urges to garden and the realization that you’ve forgotten how to talk to people in person. PocketGrass™ is not responsible for dirt stains on silk fabrics. TOUCH SOME GRASS FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE! Please... Get outside, man. [End]
Comments are disabled on this song