[Verse 1: Osaka Japanese-accented male MC, fast Osaka dialect over live drums and shamisen] Kenta out of Namba, and the city's one big bit Every uncle is a comic, every auntie's got a skit Taxi man is doin' voices and the noodle man does faces Granny at the crossing does a pratfall, then she races And somebody gotta say it, somebody gotta react Somebody gotta stand there with a paper fan and smack That's me, the straight man, I don't joke, I tell you what you did "Nande ya nen!" with the fan across the back of every kid Cop tells me he's a dolphin, smack, "Akan, you are a cop" Monk tells me he's a rapper, smack, "Honma? Then you stop" [Hook: Osaka MC, shouted, the shamisen slapping on the one] I'm the straight man, nande ya nen Whole city's goin' sideways, so I set it straight again I don't tell a single joke, I just tell you what you did And the laugh lands on my line every time, honma, kid [Verse 2: Osaka MC, faster] So I took a weekend somewhere quiet, nobody makin' jokes Trains so quiet you could hear a salaryman clear his throat Walked into a lamppost, bonk, right in front of fifty folks And nobody said a word, not one, they let it go, no notes No "nande ya nen," nothin', not a giggle, not a slap Just a lady passin' tissues and a schoolboy with a map Worst silence of my life, I swear, I nearly cried Turns out a fool without a straight man's just a man who tripped outside And a straight man with no fools around is just a man who stares So I took the next train home, akan, I ran up all the stairs [Hook: Osaka MC, shouted, heavy toms] I'm the straight man, nande ya nen Whole city's goin' sideways, so I set it straight again I don't tell a single joke, I just tell you what you did And the laugh lands on my line every time, honma, kid [Verse 3: Osaka MC, every smack on the snare] Big contest at the end of the year, a thousand seats, a stage Tetsu does the fool and he's a genius, he's a rage Says he's married to a vending machine, says he's from the moon Says he's late because his shadow ran ahead of him at noon Smack, smack, "nande ya nen," and the hall goes up in roars On my line, every time, the laugh comes through the doors Judges hand the trophy to the duo, and the papers say it plain Funniest man in Osaka is the one who never jokes, the same Tetsu bows, I bow, he says "Kenta, how's it feel?" I say "Nande ya nen, I'm just tellin' you it's real" [Bridge: Osaka MC, triple meaning, every word clear] Straight man on the stage, that's the job I always had Straight man in the street, never lied about the bad Straight man after midnight, no sake and no bar Straight home to my mother, honma, that's who we are [Hook: Osaka MC and the full band] I'm the straight man, nande ya nen Whole city's goin' sideways, so I set it straight again I don't tell a single joke, I just tell you what you did And the laugh lands on my line every time, honma, kid [End]
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