[INTRO – Sinister piano, vinyl scratching, keyboard typing] [Male spoken – Deep, sarcastic] Yo… Alfons. Another day, another Discord argument? What’s wrong, blud? You having another meltdown? [Keyboard typing accelerates] [Male whisper] Little… little… [Male shouted] PUSSY! [DROP 1 – Thunderous boom-bap drums, dirty 808 bass] [VERSE 1 – Aggressive UK rap, punchy delivery] Alfons in the chat, acting like a king, Biggest achievement? A notification ping! Got another account, another disguise, Same old bullshit, different profile eyes! Bashing all the members, acting like a judge, Holding onto drama, holding onto grudges. Everyone’s creating, making films and art, You’re writing fucking essays just to tear them apart! Ancestry called, said they’re tracing your roots, Found a keyboard warrior with imaginary boots! Family tree shaking, branches falling down, Even your ancestors said, “Who invited this clown?” You got a thousand opinions, not a single production, Every time you speak, it’s another interruption! Acting like a gangster, trying to run the place, But your biggest confrontation is a loading interface! [BEAT CUT – Baby crying sound effect] [CHORUS – Heavy hip-hop beat, sarcastic male vocals, live crowd] Awww, Alfons, did your mummy hurt your feelings? Crying on Discord while you’re staring at the ceiling! Little, little pussy, why you acting so tough? Typing like a gangster, but you ain’t built for this stuff! [Male – Mocking baby voice] Awww, poor Alfons, do you need a little hug? Or another fake account to act like a thug? [BEAT CUT – Crowd laughing] [Male shouted] WHO HURT YOU, BLUD?! [DROP 2 – Massive bass, crowd chanting] AL-FONS! AL-FONS! BIG MOUTH, NO BALLS! TALKING ALL THAT SHIT! BUT NOBODY FUCKING CALLS! [VERSE 2 – Fast double-time rap, gritty bassline] Click-click, type-type, starting another fight, Discord little gangster working overtime tonight! Talk big, act hard, got a mouth full of spite, But you’re fighting with a screen at a quarter past midnight! Got a profile, got a keyboard, got a hundred little claims, Changing up your story, changing up your names! If that’s your alt, then the plot’s getting thick, Same old drama, same predictable trick! Talking about the talent, talking about the crew, Everyone’s got projects, what the fuck have you? They’ve got scenes, they’ve got shots, they’ve got vision and ambition, You’ve got twenty-seven arguments and zero competition! Keyboard commando, captain of the chat, Throwing little tantrums, imagine that! Calling yourself a critic? You’re a walking distraction, All that bloody typing, not a single useful action! [BREAKDOWN – Instrumental stops, distant laughter] [Male spoken – Mocking] Hold up… Did your mummy take your Wi-Fi away? Is that why you’re so angry? [Silence] Awww… poor Alfons. [DRUM FILL – Massive bass impact] [CHORUS 2 – Aggressive male rap, crowd call-and-response] AWWW, ALFONS! DID YOUR MUMMY HURT YOUR FEELINGS?! CRYING ON DISCORD, STARING AT THE CEILING! LITTLE, LITTLE PUSSY, WHY YOU ACTING SO TOUGH? BIG MAN ON THE KEYBOARD, BUT WE’VE HAD ENOUGH! [Crowd] AL-FONS! AL-FONS! [Male] WHO HURT YOU, BLUD?! [Crowd] LITTLE! LITTLE! [Male shouted] PUSSY! [FINAL VERSE – Rapid-fire UK grime, intense delivery] Big talk, no show, where’s the evidence? Every time you enter, there’s a new argument! Talk about the festival, talk about the game, But all you ever bring is another complaint! You ain’t the main character, you’re background noise, Interrupting all the creators making cinematic toys! Everybody’s grinding, putting work into their craft, You’re still on Discord getting roasted in the chat! [FINAL BUILD – Sinister piano, crowd growing louder] [Male spoken] Alfons… One last question. Are you here for the film festival… Or is arguing on Discord your full-time occupation? [Silence] [Male whispered] Little… little… [FINAL DROP – Explosive bass, live crowd shouting] LITTLE, LITTLE PUSSY! KEYBOARD GANGSTER! DISCORD WARRIOR! FULL-TIME ANSWER! AL-FONS! AL-FONS! WHO HURT YOU, BLUD?! ALL THAT TALKING! NOT ENOUGH SUBSTANCE! [OUTRO – Piano fading, keyboard disconnect] [Male spoken – Calm, sarcastic] Anyway, Alfons… It’s a film festival. Not your personal therapy session. Go make a film, mate. [Male whispered] Little… little… [Male shouted] PUSSY! [END – Keyboard disconnect, crowd laughing]
