[Verse 1] I met the drummer on a Tuesday Said he liked to keep it tight But when it came to steady rhythm He’d skip a beat most every night Then came the cornet in a hurry Claimed he could really hit it high But every time the moment lifted He’d squeak and softly say goodnight [Chorus] I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar One by one, I played that tune From the back row to the front stand From the cellar to the saloon They all bragged about their “talent” And how they’d really “make me swoon” I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar Now I just play alone in my room (oh yeah) [Verse 2] Oh, that piano man was trouble Said, “Darlin’, i got many tunes to play” But he only used a handful Same tired tricks for days He’d hammer on my patience Never touched the softer keys So I shut his lid one evening Left him singing to his whiskey [Instrumental ragtime dance interlude] [Bridge] That upright man with his big bass Thought size alone would make him great But he plucked so slow I finished My smoke, my drink, and my plate The banjo boy strummed me silly Fast fingers all over the place But he never listened to my tempo Just chased his own frantic pace (hey!) [Instrumental ragtime dance interlude] [Chorus] I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar One by one, I played that tune From the back row to the front stand From the cellar to the saloon They all bragged about their “talent” And how they’d really “make me swoon” I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar Now I just play alone in my room (oh yeah) [Final Chorus] I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar And I’ve lived to tell my tale They promised me sweet choruses Gave me half a broken scale Now I’m saving all my slow songs For the one who keeps in time ‘Cause I’ve had the whole ragtime band, sugar And I’m done with their tired old lines (oh yeah)
