[Intro] Thank you for calling Your call is very important to us Please hold for the next available representative Your estimated wait time is... ...forever ...I know [Verse 1] It started with a simple question A claim they said they'd fix by noon I dialed at nine, I had my coffee I had my whole life ahead of me, too They said "press one for billing issues" I pressed one, I pressed it well Then two, then star, then pound, then zero Then the music started playing And I fell [Pre-Chorus] I thought I'd be on for a minute Maybe two, three tops But the saxophone says otherwise And it never, ever stops [Chorus] (Hold music) Smooth jazz in the key of despair (Hold music) Someone's vibraphone, I swear You are important to us, very Someone will be right with you Hold music I've forgotten what I called for too [Verse 2] The song, if you can call it that Has no beginning and no end It just circles back like a bad relationship Around the bend, around the bend I heard a flute do something That I think was meant to soothe Now I've memorized the rhythm Of a man's slow spiritual remove [Pre-Chorus] I could've learned a language In the time I've spent on hold I could've baked some bread from scratch I could've gotten old [Chorus] (Hold music) Mid-tempo jazz for the damned (Hold music) Some poor session man got paid He played his little heart out in A studio in '94 (Hold music!) Hold music He didn't know what it was for [Bridge] I have now heard this song seventeen times I know the vibraphone solo by heart I hum it now In the shower In the car My wife asked me what song I was humming and I said I didn't know its name I don't think it has one I think it exists only here, in this phone, in this hold queue, forever They told me my wait time was twenty minutes That was forty-three minutes ago I have eaten a sandwich I have filed my nails I have stared out the window and considered the nature of time I have not hung up Because if I hang up I have to start over Representative Karen is... no longer available But my call remains Very important to them [Verse 3] The music swells, then gently settles Right back into where it was A loop, a fog, a warm beige nothing Playing soft just because Sometimes a voice cuts through the music "Thank you for your patience, dear" And then right back to the saxophone And I think I might just stay on here [Pre-Chorus] Because at least there's something playing At least I'm on the list At least someone pressed record once At least the flute exists [Final Chorus] (Hold music) The vibraphone knows my name (Hold music) Nothing's changed and nothing's changed I've rescheduled my afternoon I've made my peace with letting go (Hold music) Hold music I'll be here until the snow [Outro] You know what? It's fine I'm fine This is fine The flute is actually kind of beautiful if you stop fighting it Like white noise Like water Like the concept of time itself, just... Hold music They hung up on me, didn't they? They hung up on me I'm calling back Thank you for calling Your call is very important to us Please hold for the next available Thank you For calling
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