"The Underworld Apprentices" [Interlude - Sam (female)] (A wheezing carnival organ lurches along. The bass sounds like a coffin lid getting mad.) The devil finally took a breath and said, "Great. The Galveston mechanic's off the clock. The island's mine again. Time to sit back, sip something red, and enjoy the administrative silence." But Satan forgot one very important rule of biology: monsters make more monsters. And while the big bad wolf is out on the porch in a folding chair, he’s been raising three little menaces with their own brand of chaos and poor manners. Hell isn't ready for the next batch. MAHAHA HAH! [Verse 1 - Matt (male)] (A heavy, swinging, spooky-metal guitar riff drops in. Matt's voice is bouncy, dark, and playfully sinister.) Well, the reaper thought his shift was finally through Then he met a sixteen-year-old son with a skateboard and a screw-loose crew! Rogue grinds the molten iron like it's just another rail Reading demon scrolls and swiping souls, a deadpan trail He doesn't even flinch when the hellhounds snarl and snap He just kicks off a spark shower, caught in a fiery trap He's plotting little disasters on a cracked-up game And he’s signing his initials in a line of blue-hot flame [Pre-Chorus - Matt (male) & Sam (female)] (The circus organ winds up fast and crazy.) (Matt - male) The devil looks up... (Sam - female) ...and he loses his nerve! (Matt - male) The kids are in the yard... (Sam - female) ...and they’re breaking the curve! [Chorus - Matt (male) & Sam (female)] (The full band explodes into a heavy, bouncy, Halloween-metal stomp. Ridiculously catchy.) (Matt - male) Oh, Satan better hide from the little recruits! (Sam - female) They got static in their skulls and they’re cute as old boots! (Matt - male) I might be on the porch, but the minions are loose! They’re sipping on the chaos and they’re pouring the juice! (Sam - female) The underworld is trembling in its little black boots! (Both) God help the devil from the little recruits! [Verse 2 - Matt (male)] (The beat gets a sneaky, creeping rhythm. Like tip-toeing through a haunted house.) Now step right up and meet the eleven-year-old child Hermione looks all shy, but her grin goes feral and wild She’s drawing tiny nightmares that get under your skin And setting up a little trap where the bedframe begins The devil tries a boo and a rattling chain She just tells a dumb joke and ruins his whole campaign She thinks a fart is comedy, she’ll laugh in your face, And gas the whole underworld right out of its place! She’ll ask a demon, “What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?” Then yell, “A neck-tarine!” and stomp her little boot! [Verse 3 - Matt (male)] (The music builds, getting more chaotic and fun.) And trailing right behind her is the six-year-old boss Little Waverly comes in giggling like she already knows the cause of your loss She smiles with her teeth like she’s counting your bones Then hides your keys in a coffin and calls it “home sweet home” She’ll pat your knee, say “boo,” then stare like a rat in a suit And somehow make the whole pit smell like grape juice and soot She’s sweet till she isn’t, then the basement goes black The creepiest little angel with a juice box in her bag [Pre-Chorus - Matt (male) & Sam (female)] (The slide guitar mimics a ghost wailing.) (Matt - male) The devil looks up... (Sam - female) ...and he loses his nerve! (Matt - male) The kids are in the yard... (Sam - female) ...and they’re breaking the curve! [Chorus - Matt (male) & Sam (female)] (Maximum volume, pure spooky-metal carnival energy.) (Matt - male) Oh, Satan better hide from the little recruits! (Sam - female) They got static in their skulls and they’re cute as old boots! (Matt - male) I might be on the porch, but the minions are loose! They’re sipping on the chaos and they’re pouring the juice! (Sam - female) The underworld is trembling in its little black boots! (Both) God help the devil from the little recruits! [Bridge - Matt (male)] (The heavy guitars cut out. Just the creepy organ and a ticking clock. Matt speaks in a dramatic, spooky-storyteller whisper.) Satan... I know you're listening. You thought the nightmare was me? Just wait till they get their learner’s permits. Good luck parking. [Outro - Sam (female) & Matt (male)] (The swinging carnival metal riff plays one last chaotic cycle.) (Sam - female - singing high, sweet, and eerie) The minions are coming... hide the pitchforks... (Matt - male - spoken, laughing) Lock the cellar. (The sound of little kids giggling echoing down a long, dark hallway, ending with a heavy THUD. Silence.)
