[Intro — very deep, cold spoken voice, metallic impact] Move out the way! Half a ton of steel floating over your fucking head. See the X on my face? I even marked the target for you. Now try not to miss. [Beat drops] [Verse 1 — deep gravelly voice, slow crushing delivery] I’m Metagross. You’re mega gross. Gold on my face. Platinum frame. Four brains in tandem. You got four too... Four fucking brain cells that don’t even know each other. Psychic mind. Steel body. Outthink me? Fuck no. Outmuscle me? Good fucking luck. Three opponents. Four limbs. Somebody’s getting hit twice. Meteor Mash. One swing. [Sudden shouted voice] BOOM!!! [Deep voice, increasingly aggressive] And if base form already got you worried... Wait. I can still go Mega. Eight fucking limbs. But wait... you already pissed your pants. I don’t want you to shit yourself on top of that. [Hook — loud barked chant, heavy gangsta delivery] Steel. Psychic. Heavy as fuck. Big gold X, come test your luck. Half a ton. Still overhead. You came here to battle? Bad fucking bet. [Verse 2 — mocking, cocky voice] Ohhh... here’s Peli-derp. Drizzle? So YOU’RE the squirter. I’m used to getting others wet, but goddamn... you’re really a gusher. [Deep dismissive voice] Yeah, yeah. Water hurts. Good. Steel this hot needs cooling sometimes. Nice reminder I’m not a god. Then I check my base stats... Six hundred. [Dry laugh] Damn. Still sitting with the big boys. And you got wings? Cute. I weigh half a ton, got none... and I’m still above you. [Mocking voice] Keep flapping, Peli-Peli. [Verse 3 — low, nasty taunting voice] Absol... You sense disasters coming? So you knew I was coming. Bet that asymmetrical little tail started wagging in excitement. Sad little dog... ...You are a dog, right? Never mind. That’s how I’m treating you anyway. [Dark sarcastic voice] I know you emo kids love razor blades. My steel body must be fucking teasing you right now. Don’t mistake me for one of your little razors. Yeah, I’m sharp. Just not that kind of sharp. Enough... [Sudden commanding shout] I said SIT! [Long pause] [Low quiet voice] Good boy. You can go back to being sad and alone now. [Hook — loud barked chant] Steel. Psychic. Heavy as fuck. Big gold X, come test your luck. Four brains. Four limbs. No fucking doubt. Meteor Mash lands... [Shouted] LIGHTS FUCKING OUT! [Verse 4 — sharper aggressive voice, faster attack] Volbeat. Like you said... “Beat” is in your name and you communicate with lights. I think what you meant was... I’m gonna beat your ass till it’s lights out, you dumb little bug. [Mocking pause] Actually... good thing you can communicate with lights, ’cause there ain’t no way you’re still talking after I smack your face. [Hard aggressive delivery] You showed up blinking like that makes you bright. I got four fucking brains. You’re struggling to turn on a light even with turn signals on your ass. [Bridge — very deep voice, slow, metal grinding] Pelipper got rain. Absol got warnings. Volbeat got lights. I got steel. I got Psychic. I got four brains. And all three of you got the same fucking problem... [Long silence] [Extremely deep] Me. [Final — energy suddenly rises] Okay... [Excited shouted voice] IT'S OPRAH TIME! Zen Headbutt for YOU! YOU! And YOU too! [Three massive impacts] [Deep laughing voice] Look at that. Three faces. Three X’s. You know what that means. [Commanding shout] GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE! [Deep voice] None of you made the cut... for Pokémon Got Talent. [Beat stops] [Cold spoken voice] I'm Metagross. And you're still... mega gross.
