Unexpected Item

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[Intro (scanner beep, then rolling barrelhouse piano)]
[Spoken (robotic monotone female machine voice)]
Welcome. Please scan your first item.

[Verse 1 (dry talk-sung delivery, piano and brushed drums)]
Darlene ran lane four for thirty-one years,
Beehive and bifocals and a pencil behind her ear.
She knew Ruth was pregnant 'fore her mama ever heard,
Rang up the prenatal vitamins and never said a word.
She'd put the eggs on top and the bleach off by itself,
And slip our boy a sucker from the jar up on the shelf.
She knew I'd lost the job when I paid in rolled-up dimes,
And she'd come up a dollar short... "Sugar, happens all the time."

[Chorus (warm singalong lift, soft backing harmonies)]
Unexpected item in the bagging area,
Please remove the item and try again.
Well, it can weigh a can of peas to the quarter ounce,
But it never once asked me how I've been.

[Verse 2 (loose and chatty, muted trumpet asides)]
Then a fella came from corporate with a lanyard and a tan,
Said the word "efficiency" and shook everybody's hand.
Now there's four blinkin' boxes where the conveyor used to run,
And they talk to you real calm, like you're a man that's got a gun.
They said it'd save me time, and I guess I didn't know it...
I'm workin' Darlene's shift now, and I'm payin' them to do it.
And Darlene got "reassigned," that's the word the memo said,
Ain't nobody seen her since, so I just figured she was dead.

[Chorus (warm singalong, backing harmonies echo "on its way")]
Unexpected item in the bagging area,
Please wait, assistance is on its way.
And the only one assistin' is a kid in a vest
Who's had his earbuds in since the first of May.

[Bridge (stripped to solo piano and voice)]
Then one Tuesday it froze up, and the little light went red,
And the kid was on his break, so they called the back instead.
[Spoken (crackly store PA voice)]
Darlene to the front, please.
[Sung (solo piano and voice)]
Through the swingin' stockroom doors, with her hair up in a bun,
Pencil tucked behind her ear, the way she'd always done.
She keyed her little code in, saw one pork chop 'stead of two,
Said, "Oh, sugar..." and that's all. But Lord, she knew.

[Final Chorus (tender, gentle string pad swell, full warm harmonies)]
Unexpected item in the bagging area,
Every Tuesday when that kid takes his break at ten,
I set a can of beans down on the scale on purpose,
Just to hear her call me "sugar" once again.

[Outro (piano winds down)]
[Spoken (robotic monotone female machine voice)]
Thank you for shopping with us.
[Spoken (dry male voice, deadpan)]
...See you Tuesday.

[End]

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[Intro (scanner beep, then rolling barrelhouse piano)] [Spoken (robotic monotone female machine voice)] Welcome. Please scan your first item. [Verse 1 (dry talk-sung delivery, piano and brushed drums)] Darlene ran lane four for thirty-one years, Beehive and bifocals and a pencil behind her ear. She knew Ruth was pregnant 'fore her mama ever heard, Rang up the prenatal vitamins and never said a word. She'd put the eggs on top and the bleach off by itself, And slip our boy a sucker from the jar up on the shelf. She knew I'd lost the job when I paid in rolled-up dimes, And she'd come up a dollar short... "Sugar, happens all the time." [Chorus (warm singalong lift, soft backing harmonies)] Unexpected item in the bagging area, Please remove the item and try again. Well, it can weigh a can of peas to the quarter ounce, But it never once asked me how I've been. [Verse 2 (loose and chatty, muted trumpet asides)] Then a fella came from corporate with a lanyard and a tan, Said the word "efficiency" and shook everybody's hand. Now there's four blinkin' boxes where the conveyor used to run, And they talk to you real calm, like you're a man that's got a gun. They said it'd save me time, and I guess I didn't know it... I'm workin' Darlene's shift now, and I'm payin' them to do it. And Darlene got "reassigned," that's the word the memo said, Ain't nobody seen her since, so I just figured she was dead. [Chorus (warm singalong, backing harmonies echo "on its way")] Unexpected item in the bagging area, Please wait, assistance is on its way. And the only one assistin' is a kid in a vest Who's had his earbuds in since the first of May. [Bridge (stripped to solo piano and voice)] Then one Tuesday it froze up, and the little light went red, And the kid was on his break, so they called the back instead. [Spoken (crackly store PA voice)] Darlene to the front, please. [Sung (solo piano and voice)] Through the swingin' stockroom doors, with her hair up in a bun, Pencil tucked behind her ear, the way she'd always done. She keyed her little code in, saw one pork chop 'stead of two, Said, "Oh, sugar..." and that's all. But Lord, she knew. [Final Chorus (tender, gentle string pad swell, full warm harmonies)] Unexpected item in the bagging area, Every Tuesday when that kid takes his break at ten, I set a can of beans down on the scale on purpose, Just to hear her call me "sugar" once again. [Outro (piano winds down)] [Spoken (robotic monotone female machine voice)] Thank you for shopping with us. [Spoken (dry male voice, deadpan)] ...See you Tuesday. [End]

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