[Grand piano] [CONSULTANT] Don't wait for me— I'm running late. I know your appointment Was quarter past nine. It's eleven twenty-seven. I know what that means. But I've had three emergencies, Four intravitreals And ten fluoresceins. [Strings swell] You think I've been drinking My coffee somewhere. You think I've been chatting Without any care. But one patient fainted, One needed a scan, One brought twenty pages They'd printed in Japan. One needed an interpreter, One couldn't dilate, And that's why, dear patients, I'm running late. [REFRAIN] Don't wait for me— Well... Obviously wait. I promise I'm coming, Accept your fate. I've not disappeared, I've not gone for tea, There's simply a clinic Between you and me. [Orchestra swells magnificently] I've phoned Vitreoretinal, I've spoken to Glaucoma, I've found someone's consent form Inside the wrong online folder. The Heidelberg vanished, Then Unity froze, And why Medisight logged me out— God only knows. [ENSEMBLE – reverently] God only knows... [CONSULTANT] My ST4 needs me, The Fellow does too, And somebody's asking What laser to do. The pressure is forty, The macula's wet— [PATIENT] Doctor, I've been here two hours! [CONSULTANT] I haven't had breakfast yet. [Huge orchestral rise] [REFRAIN] So wait for me! I'm running late! The NHS clock Has surrendered to fate! But when you come in, You will have all of me— Your questions, your worries, Your OCT. For however far The clinic has slipped, Your consultation Will never be skipped. [Music falls suddenly] Unless you're in The wrong clinic. [Pause] Which you are. Your appointment's tomorrow. [PATIENT] Oh. [CONSULTANT] Reception's downstairs. [Huge final chord]
