[Intro — both, spoken over banjo and brass] MISTER SURE: Now, darling, there are certain things a gentleman simply knows. MISS MAYBE: Is that so? MISTER SURE: Absolutely. MISS MAYBE: Oh, this oughta be good. ⸻ [Verse 1 — Mister Sure] I know the moon comes up at night, I know a wrong man from a right, I know a wink means come on through, And honey, I know what you meant too. [Miss Maybe] You know the moon, you know the stars, You know the saints from corner bars, You know my mind from one small clue— [Mister Sure] Precisely, dear. [Miss Maybe] Well, bless your shoe. ⸻ [Chorus — alternating] MISS MAYBE: Maybe yes— MISTER SURE: Certainly! MISS MAYBE: Maybe no— MISTER SURE: Obviously! MISS MAYBE: Maybe the truth took off its hat And slipped out through the kitchen flat. MISTER SURE: There’s no great mystery, I assure— MISS MAYBE: Says Miss Maybe— MISTER SURE: And Mister Sure! ⸻ [Verse 2 — Miss Maybe] I said, “That coat looks mighty fine,” You heard, “Come home and make me thine.” I said, “The evening sure is warm,” You bought a ring and raised alarm. MISTER SURE: A lady’s words are subtle things, They flutter soft on hidden wings. MISS MAYBE: Or maybe words are words, mon cher, And all those wings came from your chair. ⸻ [Brass break] MISTER SURE, spoken: You are a difficult woman. MISS MAYBE: Maybe. ⸻ [Verse 3 — Mister Sure] I know when silence means disdain, I know when laughter hides the pain, I know when “fine” means “go away”— MISS MAYBE: You’ve built yourself a busy day. MISTER SURE: You hesitate, therefore you doubt. MISS MAYBE: Or maybe I’m just thinking it out. MISTER SURE: You see? You prove my point once more. MISS MAYBE: What point was that, Professor Sure? ⸻ [Chorus — both] MISS MAYBE: Maybe yes— MISTER SURE: Certainly! MISS MAYBE: Maybe no— MISTER SURE: Obviously! MISS MAYBE: Maybe your facts got dressed too soon And strutted proudly round the room. MISTER SURE: A thing is settled once we’re sure— MISS MAYBE: Who’s “we,” exactly, Mister Sure? ⸻ [Bridge — slower, sly duet] MISS MAYBE: You like the door shut nice and tight. MISTER SURE: A gentleman must choose what’s right. MISS MAYBE: You like the ending neatly tied. MISTER SURE: It keeps the troublesome things outside. MISS MAYBE: But every lock forgets a key. MISTER SURE: That sounds suspiciously like philosophy. MISS MAYBE: Maybe, darling. MISTER SURE: …Don’t start. ⸻ [Verse 4 — both, trading faster] MISTER SURE: You said you’d never fall for me. MISS MAYBE: I said, “We’ll have to wait and see.” MISTER SURE: That’s practically the same affair. MISS MAYBE: Only if you supply half there. MISTER SURE: You kissed me once behind the band! MISS MAYBE: A fact at last! Now ain’t that grand? MISTER SURE: So you admit— MISS MAYBE: I kissed you, sure. MISTER SURE: Aha! MISS MAYBE: Don’t get excited, Mister Sure. ⸻ [Final Chorus — full band] MISS MAYBE: Maybe yes— MISTER SURE: Most certainly! MISS MAYBE: Maybe no— MISTER SURE: Now wait and see— MISS MAYBE: Well look at you, you learned a phrase! MISTER SURE: Don’t make a habit of your praise. BOTH: The world keeps spinning, that’s for sure, But what it means— MISS MAYBE: Well, maybe— MISTER SURE: …I’m not sure. ⸻ [Outro — music stops] MISS MAYBE: Did you just say you’re not sure? MISTER SURE: I most certainly did not. MISS MAYBE: Maybe I heard you wrong. MISTER SURE: Exactly. MISS MAYBE: Oh, hush. [brass sting]
